I'm Still Breathing. That's Positive Thinking, Right?

This day started out fairly awesome this morning but then turned to c-r-a-p by early afternoon. Our morning therapist, Jessica, and I took Reiss and Milla to a playground at a church that welcomes the public. It was a great time but while there I received a call letting me know our afternoon ABA therapist called off. No problem, that just meant we had more freedom to do whatever and go wherever the day took us. Or so I thought.

Being the health nuts that we are now and that we have been in recent years, and I say that with sarcasm because sometimes it would just be so much easier not being so knowledgeable of the different ingredients that go into consumable products on the market today, we do not keep over-the-counter cold remedies or pain relievers on-hand regularly. That's fine if we never get sick or if we never have aches or pains - and we rarely do except for the five week nightmare we experienced recently - or if natural supplements would work 100% effectively when they are taken. However, such as the case may be, despite downing capsule after capsule after pill after pill of Vitamins C, D, and Zinc and who knows what else for the last several days, James has a terrible cold and he asked if I could get him some Dayquil or something similar while I was out and about today. A trip to CVS seemed simple enough.

Before I go any further, let me explain that I really do try to remain positive with regards to outings with Reiss and Milla when I do not have James or a therapist along to help me, but deep down the mere thought of going places with the two of them and the possibilities and the what if's scare the bejeezus out of me. Reiss is a runner. Milla can be a runner. If you do not know what I mean by this, clearly you do not have a child with autism. Many typical children run too. Children with autism run and reeling them in can prove to be quite challenging. I don't really know how to explain why or how it's different when it's a child with autism running away from a parent as opposed to a typical child but that's not what this story is about anyway.

So we went to CVS and as I always do whether or not I have James or a therapist with me or I am by myself with the kids, we talked about The Rules before getting out of the car. I am not some drill sergeant mommy whose children are expected to stay in formation while walking through the grocery. Nor am I a Nazi dictator-type mother who only allows her children to stay crowded together like sardines to keep the order. I do, however, expect my two charges to refrain from running from me and to keep their outdoor voices turned off while out in public. The only other rule is that they are to look with their eyes and not with their hands unless given permission. Today they were told that if any of The Rules were broken, we would leave the store.

One minute into our CVS trip, the wandering from me had already begun. I gave Reiss and Milla a warning. They continued to wander as I tried to find the best deal on some sort of chemical coughing cure with the least amount of yuck in it. I gave them another warning not to run from me and darn it if Reiss did not outsmart me again! He told me, and I quote, "Mommy, it's okay because we're not running away. We're walking."

Really???

I could not decide whether to laugh, cry, or...or...or what. The same statement out of almost any other kid would surely be perceived as sarcasm but since Reiss has no concept of sarcasm and he processes everything in the literal sense, I had no one to blame for his and Milla's wandering but myself. After all, they were not breaking the rules because they were not running away. So I clarified that they were not to run or walk away from the area I was in and they needed to stay one arm's length from me.

Next thing I knew, Reiss and Milla were walking very fast towards the front of the store. I just watched and waited as they walked all the way down the aisle from the pharmacy to the front counter and when they saw me staring with probably the most evil look ever, they came back. When they got to me, I very calmly put the items I was carrying back on the shelves and we proceeded to leave. Or more precisely, I carried Milla screaming and kicking out of the store while Reiss walked with his hand in mine and whining all the way to the car.

All that and we still did not have anything for James and his cold.

Because I really needed to get something for James to take and because I felt Reiss and Milla deserved another chance to prove they could behave in a store, we drove up the street to Walgreens. Once again, we discussed The Rules before getting out of the car. We were in and back out with some cold medicine, cough drops, and Disney princess silly bands in a matter of about fifteen minutes and - dare I venture to say it - without any meltdowns from my children or stares from other shoppers. It was definitely a much different scene from the one at CVS just minutes beforehand.

I would like to say Reiss and Milla were angels inside Walgreens but that would be embellishing their good behaviors. They were pretty well behaved though. Well, if you don't count when Milla grabbed a bottle of fingernail polish and was about to paint Reiss' nails while I had my back turned for maybe all of ten seconds. And yes, I admit that I got roped into buying silly bands that they probably didn't deserve after the behavior they had demonstrated in CVS.

All was well and we all lived happily ever after. That is, until our next errand - to the cable company - where I had to contain myself and refrain from firebombing the place because of their lack of service and where Reiss and Milla danced and played on the floor and stood in the chairs and played with the gumball machine and asked other customers their names and rolled around on the floor being "Colts guys" and at one point, Reiss even locked the door and I just let them do all of it because goodness knows if I had to make them follow The Rules in the cable company's office while trying to stay calm with people who have left a cable running across our yard for close to four months now, I may have gone into cardiac arrest or stopped breathing or some other unintentional bodily destruction and I would not be here now to tell all about it.

Or to take another breath after that unbelievably long run-on sentence.

Edit: 10/01/2010 - Thank you, to a friend of mine who read my blog and so discreetly emailed me to let me know I used the word "wonder" where I should have used the word "wander." How embarassing! Judging by how I spell nowadays, no one would ever guess I won my elementary school's spelling be in the fifth grade and then went on to the county bee only to end up misspelling the word "measles."

An Early Morning Stumble

After a rather early awakening this morning by a certain two-year-old, I found myself tossing and turning, trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep. So, as I almost always do when battling insomnia, I got up and went to the computer.

As the new school year approaches, just thinking of Reiss attending public school gives me heart palpitations. School starts in four days and we are not even certain whether or not he will be going on to kindergarten within our school system. Yes, with there only being a matter of four days that separate us from now until the beginning of school, we should know if our child is going to start school and yes, most people - including other parents of children with autism - do know whether or not their child is going to go to school. However, we are not "most" people and "most" people do not have to deal with case conferences, IEP's, therapists, and assorted other things that make up the story behind why we do not know if our child will be attending kindergarten within the public school system. But that story is one for another time, not now.

Back to my heart palpitations and the anxiety causing them...

In the past few weeks, merely the thought of sending Reiss to public school darn near gives me a full-on anxiety attack. My mind races with news stories of children with autism being abused by teachers, disappearing from school, and of one autistic boy who even drowned in a school's pool. I think about how no one knows a child with autism like his own parents. I think about how I have tried to explain to one of my own relatives that my child does not comprehend danger and is often a "runner." I also recall the response received and it was not one that provided me reassurance of a total understanding of the problem. If I cannot get someone who is related to my child to "get" it, how on earth am I going to stress the importance of safety to a teacher - someone who is merely being paid to educate my child, not make sure for instance, that he comes back from the bathroom or eats only the food sent to school with him or does not have a meltdown because his pants got water on them or...or...or...?

It is all the "ors" that have brought homeschooling back to the forefront of my thoughts, so with not being able to sleep this morning, I began digging around (again) online for homeschool resources and specifically, for people who have children with autism who they homeschool. In doing so, I stumbled across Free Printable Fun, a fun little blog written by Jamie Sue, a crafty mom to a five-year-old boy with autism.

Jamie Sue does not post very often and from what I have read so far, I do not get the impression that she homeschools (but I could be wrong!) or that she uses the projects she posts as homeschool materials. Again, finding her site was simply a stumble for me that appeared when I Googled "homeschool autism resources." However, the content of her posts are valuable and the projects seem fun, even if they are not meant to be part of a structured homeschool curriculum - although some of them could be used in conjunction with other materials for that very purpose.

These Seizures Are Going To Give Me A Stroke

Reiss creating a masterpiece for "Make Your Own Pizza Night" this past Friday evening....

Because I am a slacker blogger and have not bothered to write anything in nearly two weeks, "Which seizures?" you might ask.

Well, there was the seizure Reiss had last June that we thought certain was triggered by an antibiotic he was on at the time. Long story...He had started an antibiotic, had a seizure within twenty-four hours of the first dose, so we ceased the dosing and began looking around online for information regarding the antibiotic. Come to find out - and this was confirmed by a real live doc, not just online information - that particular antibiotic has a high seizure incident rate in the general population.

For those who are not aware, autistic children have a thirty percent (actually, I've seen varying estimates on this but for the sake of this post, I'll go with the percentage I've seen most often) higher chance of having a first-time seizure than a typical child. So why, oh why, would a doctor prescribe a medication that already has a high seizure rate in neurotypical people to a child with autism?

That is not what this post is about though, so I will go ahead and move on now. Oh wait, no, I won't. Not before mentioning that we no longer see that doctor.

And then there was the second seizure. Fast forward to this past Monday and Reiss had another seizure. This one did not come on nearly as quickly as the first one. With the first one, Reiss went from zoning out to being unconscious in a matter of ten minutes or less. With this one, he began zoning out and it was so mild that I wasn't even certain he was having a seizure. Many of his symptoms - strange noises with his tongue (only in the beginning), belly gurgling, eyes and head going off to one side, limp body - were the same both times, but the duration of the individual seizures varied greatly. This seizure went on for around forty-five minutes before our doctor ordered us to administer the anti-seizure medication.

Through all of this particular seizure, I was particularly calm to a point that it even surprised me. So the title of this blog post isn't entirely accurate but who knows maybe I was frantic on the inside.....I did catch my hand shaking at one point, but otherwise, I think my unconscious mind was sending messages to my conscious mind telling it to keep things in order.

Reiss's first seizure meant a trip to the hospital and an overnight stay. After first arriving at the hospital and a little ways into the hospital staff treating Reiss with Valium, an antibiotic, and something else that I cannot recall at the moment, James and I got treated to an interesting interaction between two of the hospital employees. They were arguing over the correct dosage amount and one was accusing the other of administering too high a dosage.

Um...hello???? Our son is convulsing on the table (which, by the way, he only began doing after they began pumping him full of God knows what) and I am sitting there a crying, blithering idiot mess of a mom. Do you really think arguing over the dose amount is something you should do in front of a parent who thinks their child may die right in front of their very eyes?? And to give said parent more fuel for the fire of her insanity in that maybe you aided in her child's death by overdosing?

Obviously, Reiss did not die but one can see where I would hesitate to take him to the hospital in the event another seizure should occur, which it did, or I would not be writing this right now. Needless to say, I was a bit reluctant to call an ambulance this time.

And guess what???

Reiss took almost two days to fully recover from his seizure and all the medications he was pumped full of last time during his care with "professionals."

His recovery time for this seizure?

Two hours. Two hours after I injected the Diastat suppository in him, Reiss was up and running around - more actively than I would have preferred, as a matter of fact. Monday evening, he seemed a little tired but Tuesday morning he was back to his usual hundred-miles-a-minute self.

I know some people will call it a coincidence that Reiss recovered so much more quickly with this seizure and they can be wrong if they want to be are welcome to their opinions. However, I truly believe Reiss recovered so soon afterward because he did not receive all the medications this time that he did last June.

It is times like these that I actually wish my family's life could be under a little microscope for doctors to observe. To see that more medications do not necessarily mean better medical care. That the body can help itself with less intervention. But that won't happen as long as there are pharmaceutical reps making themselves permanent fixtures in doctors' waiting rooms and......

Blah, blah, blah....I'm officially rambling and the pharmaceutical argument is not one I plan to revisit today.

Reiss is fine. All week long, he has played just like nothing extraordinarily out-of-the-ordinary happened earlier this week. He is back to challenging James and me when we tell him to do something and seeing what he can get away with and bossing Milla around and arguing with her and taking toys from her and crying when she instigates something herself. He made it through one full week this week with no #2 accidents in his pants. Yesterday, we visited a bounce place as a reward. He helped make pancakes yesterday on Pancake Saturday, just as he has done every single Saturday for almost four years now. This afternoon, as I did make-ahead prep work of cutting veggies and mixing sauce ingredients for our dinner, Reiss made certain I was aware - by telling me no less than thirty times - that he does not like Orange Chicken (that he apparently has forgotten that he eats the heck out of every single time we have it for dinner). As I write this, Reiss is "helping" change flood lights outside by holding the ladder for James. Hopefully, "holding the ladder" does not mean tipping the ladder and a dreaded visit to the hospital.

Yes, things are back to normal. Life is good.............

Blech Friday!!!!

Call me a scrooge, but I do not do Black Friday.

Driving and driving around just to find a parking space, mass throngs of people (some of them behaving, while others only behaving badly) crowding into stores and all wanting to buy the same items, and a bunch of stuff that just takes up space in one's house, for what? A better deal? No thanks! I'll do my shopping from the clearance racks throughout the year where most of the deals I get are better than the Black Friday sale prices, anyway. And most of the time, I don't have to worry about my life or those of my children being in danger of being lost due to a cattle stampede of a bunch of crazies trying to get the latest dancing Elmo figure at a rock-bottom price.

So there it is....some people call it Black Friday. I call it Blech Friday.

I'm not totally against going out the day after Thanksgiving though. We did go out today for some fast lunch from a drive-thru and also to pick up a few items from the health food store. With the exception of our own dish, we did not bring home any leftovers yesterday from my mother-in-law's house. We left here to go to her house with collard greens and came home with almost the same amount we left with - I have never had the same tastes in food as my husband's family but oh well, more for me!

A bit after lunch today, we went back out to go to the health food store. It was one of those go-in-with-a-list-of-three-items-and-come-out-with-two-bags kind of trips. We needed sorghum flour because Saturdays are, of course, Pancake Saturday at our house and we ran out of sorghum flour last Saturday using up the last half-cup in our favorite GFCF pancake recipe.

On the way to the health food store, we witnessed the mass chaos at the mall, which is less than five minutes from our home. Cars were spilling out of the parking lot at the mall, with people even parking in the grass just to make a space. I don't know.....I just don't get it. I know some people will read this and think, "But have you seen the Black Friday ads?" Yes, I've seen them. I still think I get better deals on things throughout the year by shopping clearance racks and by combining sales with store coupons. But whatever. To each his own.

Geez, I'm doing it again. I keep meaning to get to this part about an accident we saw while we were driving to the health food store. By the way, am I the only one who has noticed over the years car accidents have gone from being called "accidents" to "crashes?" When I think of the word "crash," I think of a plane falling from the sky. Two cars or more plowing into one another makes me think "accident" or "wreck" - not "crash."

Anywaaaaaay, so we were on the way to the health food store to get sorghum flour and two other items and I'm driving along telling James something probably of little importance when I hear this really loud noise. I thought it was behind us but it ends up that it was in front of us. A red Ford pickup truck had run smack into the back of a Mercedes SUV. Then I was trying to get around it and someone almost ran into me. What a mess. I wonder what that guy in the truck was doing to run right into the person in front of him. He must have been distracted in some way as this was no small bumper to bumper tap. I hope all of them were okay but we weren't about to stop and cause an even larger disturbance to other drivers, especially since our children were in our vehicle.

Milla "shopping" on Black Friday morning. I tried to tell her most stores have a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" policy but she wasn't having any part of abiding by the rules.


The mess pictured above is what our bedroom looks like right now while we are remodeling the bathroom. Oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned that yes, we are still remodeling our bathroom. Actually, I fired the guy doing the work one week ago today. I'm not going to get started on that in this post but suffice it to say a bathroom should not take three months to do and I should not have to be the one to tell someone when something is not right. But, that is another post.

Reiss dorking around in the hallway while I was chasing him and Milla around with the camera this morning.....

Little Fingers, Big Actions

As you may have already read, last night I had a big long post typed out and was still typing when POOF! My computer screen went black. My sweet little Milla had hit the reset button and I lost everything except for the title of the post. Guess that's what I get for typing on my dinosaur in the basement instead of the laptop I love.

It's probably for the best, as it was all just a random bunch of rambling, part of which could have been classified as complaining......like the part about how it took four (yes, four!) employees - one of whom made a snide comment that amounted to it being my fault that it was taking so long - and nearly twenty minutes to do a simple return transaction for me at a store over the weekend. But I'm not going to get into that again because everything happens for a reason and Milla turning off my computer was obviously a reminder that I should not be complaining.

Earlier this afternoon I was on facebook and one of the groups I belong to is dedicated to parents of autism. To be more specific, it is actually the facebook homepage for Laura Shumaker's book, A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism. Occasionally, Laura poses questions to group members and her latest question is, "What is your child's most frustrating behavior/quirk?" I was reading through the responses and was comforted in knowing that many of the behaviors Reiss demonstrates are right in line with many other children with autism.

I realize that may sound strange that I am comforted by other parents experiencing what can be some really annoying behaviors in their children - and not just annoying, but some that are downright dangerous. It's not some weird sadistic streak in me - it's just that none of the autistic children I know personally exhibit many of the same behaviors as Reiss. For example, one of Reiss' dangerous behaviors is that he runs off a lot of times with no regard for his own safety. Discipline has proven ineffective in curbing this. And if it's all my bad parenting to blame, then that doesn't really explain why he continues to do it at school when his teachers discipline him for it as well. What comforted me in reading some of the responses though, was that many, many parents replied that their children do the same thing - will run off without any regard at all for anything.

If you have a facebook account, I highly encourage you to check out and join the homepage I mentioned. Even if you don't have an autistic child, there is a lot to be learned from those of us who are living it every day. I don't pay attention to the nasty looks in public near as much as I used to but if I can educate just one person about autism and how it can sometimes make children appear simply as spoiled brats, then I've done something worthwhile. Anyhoo, here is the link: A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism I'm not really sure what you'll be able to see if you don't have a facebook account....probably nothing. If that's the case, go here: Laura Shumaker Going there won't allow you to read about the daily experiences of parents of autistic children, but it is a pretty good resource for finding other websites about autism.

Welp, that about does it for my rambling for the day. I've got a meatloaf in the oven and the aroma is to die for!....kids are napping...the wind outside is fierce.....it is a perfect Autumn day for comfort food and apple pie......Alas, I just began dieting again today, so no apple pie for me. Not that there is one, anyway.

Child Labor Laws.....Whatever!

Reiss working hard to get the lawn-mowing out of the way for the week.
Notice the ear protection? Hey, safety first, ya' know!

"Better make sure the boss doesn't see me taking a break."

Photo op in the shade while Daddy works hard with the big lawnmower.