Kicking Myself

While we are enjoying the results and benefits of the last three weeks of Reiss receiving ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy, at the same time, I am kicking myself every day for having not fought more intensely for him to receive such therapy since learning about it more than a year ago.

When I first discovered ABA therapy, I did what I now look back on and think of as a very casual, half-hearted effort to seek ABA therapy as part of our treatment plan for Reiss' autism. After coming up with basically no resources for ABA in our area, I gave up. A few months later, once again, something apparently sparked my interest in seeking out ABA services for Reiss but the only results I came up with at that time were Lovaas and ABA centers that are a one-hour one-way trip from our home.

I didn't want the hassle of being responsible for submitting our own insurance claims that came with Lovaas services and driving a one-hour drive to a center and sitting for four to eight hours while Reiss received therapy was simply out of the question. Laziness has nothing to do with my reluctance to file our own insurance claims. No, my hesitancy stems more from past experiences with insurance companies and how they frequently try to pass the financial responsibility on to the consumer rather than own up to their entire purpose for providing insurance - paying the claims.

Making a one-hour drive to a center was not even something I would have considered doing. It's not that I would not do just about anything to improve Reiss's autism symptoms, but rather, many factors combined to make considering such a trek on a daily basis totally unfeasible. First, I also have Milla to think about. Making such a trek daily when she was barely a year old would have been like packing up our lives every single day so that we could go and sit all day in the parents' area of the center waiting for Reiss to come out. How would that even be fair to a one-year-old? And that's not even considering the factor of inconvenience. Second, Indiana is not the greatest place to be during the winter months. It's not unusual for what is usually a five- or ten-minute drive during warmer months to transform into an hour-long expedition out into the tundra during the winter months. So imagine what an hour-long drive under normal driving conditions translates to in blizzard-like conditions. Not fun. Not to mention, stressful, and somewhat dangerous.

During all this, there was also the question of "How in the world are we going to pay for this?" When your child receives an autism diagnosis, no one hands you a nice little manual on how to proceed after you leave the doctor's office. Most of this stuff you learn by trial and error, talking to other parents of autistic children that you meet along this journey, and by spending countless hours doing your own homework - and God knows that's necessary since no doctor out there is losing sleep over my child or spending his time advocating for him.

Anyway, so it's no surprise that I learned about ABA and then went for months wondering how all the families in these success stories I was reading about could afford ABA for their child(ren). No one ever bothered to mention anything to me about autism mandates or the fact that - regardless of my loathing Indiana winters - my family lives in quite possibly one of the best states in the United States when it comes to having a child with autism and the mandate that entitles my child to insurance coverage for autism treatments.

Depending on the source one consults, a full-time ABA program for a child can cost upwards to $100,000 per year. Yes, that's per year - approximately two times the total median individual (as opposed to a family) income for a resident of the United States and approximately three times the annual cap of $36,000 that many states provide for in their own autism mandates. Luckily, as I later found out, Indiana is not only lucky enough to have an autism mandate, but we also currently do not have any dollar amount caps on the benefits a child can receive annually. At $100K per year (and that's quite a lot more than the average I am finding), or even $36,000 per year for autism treatments alone, it begs the question of why the insurance companies themselves are not calling on politicians to demand funding for further research into autism and its causes....but that's a whole 'nother rant.

It wasn't until early this year when I declared myself to be on a renewed mission of seeking out the best possible routes of treatment for Reiss that I really began paying attention to what the autism mandate meant for us. When I researched it further and learned that basically the mandate states our insurance plan cannot deny ABA services to Reiss, it was like we had won a small victory that I had never really fought very hard to achieve. It was a victory, nonetheless, and when the former director of one of the centers I had previously contacted gave me a call to tell me she and her husband were opening a center on our side of town, I was ecstatic. Little did she know that in the following days the introductions she made possible between myself and another former employee of the same center where she was employed would result in our family getting started with ABA by means of an in-home program, much sooner than her own center was opened.

Do I feel guilty for facilitating Reiss's in-home ABA program with a different individual than the person who was trying to get us onboard as clients in their own facility? No, not really because we may still end up sending Reiss to the center once it opens so that he can continue having social interactions on a regular basis.

Long story long, that is how we arrived where we are today. Reiss is doing an in-home ABA program for around 22 hours per week and we are in Week 4. After school is out for the summer, Reiss will bump up to forty hours per week. If you are not familiar with ABA, this probably sounds like a grueling schedule to keep, especially for a child who isn't even five years old. However, ABA therapy is very play-oriented in its teaching techniques. Reiss generally runs three to five "programs" and then gets a free period in which he can choose the activity he wishes to do for the duration of his break until the next set of programs.

The results we have seen so far are amazing.

We are experiencing many less tantrums.

Now, unlike before ABA, Reiss sometimes gets water or something on his shirt and there is no meltdown. Sometimes, in these instances, my husband and I find ourselves looking at one another while both of us are thinking, "Okay, where is the tantrum? Is it coming and is just delayed?" But it never comes and we are shocked and amazed.

Car rides are actually enjoyable - something I have never - post children -been able to say prior to now. Reiss and Milla sit. And they are often quiet. No screaming. No stressing me out to a point where a three minute car ride is like enduring a non-medicated root canal. And at the risk of jinxing myself, I will even go so far to say they often watch DVD's while in the car, as in, they actually pay attention to them.

And discipline....oh, where do I begin? Prior to ABA, nothing and I really mean nothing has ever proven effective with Reiss for any given amount of time. Timeouts were the worst. Sending him to his room was like a reward. Reward systems meant nothing to him. Positive reinforcement was like a permission slip to follow his good deeds with an undesirable behavior. If parents of typical children thinks it's difficult trying to discipline a child, they have no clue what it's like for many parents of autistic children. These children simply think and process things differently - and that's not my opinion, it's a fact.

Reiss is writing and drawing and - I don't even know how to word this to give it the magnitude it deserves - recognizing written words. I would venture to say he is reading. Reading by rote memory recognition of words used repeatedly in visuals with his ABA programs, but reading, all the same.

The most amazing thing though, is that Reiss is actually initiating conversations - no, wait, I mean meaningful conversations with people. He is asking people their names, their middle names, last names, birth dates. Before ABA, Reiss barely noticed the existence of other people around him, much less engage in conversational speech with them.

With ABA, I feel like we have our sanity back. Literally.

Finally arriving where we have has been quite a lesson in researching our options and digging for that information that no one is going to spoon-feed us. The whole process has left me wondering why we didn't get ABA for Reiss much sooner - at any cost or inconvenience or whatever. But I know the answer to that - I just didn't put up enough of a fight.

And while the ABA is costing us an arm and a leg, even with insurance coverage, that sanity isn't something one can put a pricetag on.

I can just see the commercial for ABA....

Autism: Your child's ability to develop "normally" out the window.
Effects autism has on a family: Feelings of isolation and lack of others who understand and can relate.
Treatments for autism: More money than any average person makes in a year.
ABA: Too darn much.
Getting one's sanity back after ABA: Priceless.

No, I Have Not Gone Missing In Action

But one might thing so considering this is the longest stint I've gone without posting something since I began blogging last year.

Wherever shall I begin? So much has gone on in the last few weeks that I barely remember a lot of it. I suppose I will just begin with the most exciting parts.

Yesterday we started ABA with Reiss!!!!! Yes, this is very exciting news and hence, the exclamation points. It is not only exciting because of the spectacular results we have seen in only two days of therapy, but also because we have been waiting for what seems like an eternity for the therapy itself to begin. Long story short, we went with a BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst) who used to work in an ABA center and then left the center to go out on her own and create in-home ABA therapy programs for children. Because she is relatively new to being out on her own, she is still building up her group of therapists she employs to go out and do the actual therapies.

Today was Day 2 and already I feel like I have learned so much simply by giving all control to the therapists and watching how they handle particular situations. Last night was probably the most "normal" evening we have had since Reiss was born. We sat. We ate dinner. Everyone was calm. I actually feel like it may be the first time I was able to relax in close to five years. And breathe.......I got to breathe without feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders from caring for a child who can go from zero to all-out ear-piercing repetitive screaming in 4 milliseconds.

For the first time ever, Reiss is saying "I'm sorry" when he does something wrong, like screaming at someone for no reason. Granted, he does have to be prompted to say it and he does hesitate but he's doing it! And without having to be carried kicking, hitting, screaming, and biting on the way to the timeout chair to sit for a spell for not doing as he is told.

All of it is just totally amazing! It's like a friend of mine says, "I don't know what they're doing but it WORKS!" Actually, I do understand what they are doing and much of it seems so simple, it is like we have been doing much of it all along - now it's simply in a more organized and purposeful way. Needless to say, I think this is going to be a very good thing for Reiss and our entire family.

So much more has happened around here but I really must figure out what to have for dinner besides roast. Until next time.....

Where ARE You, Supernanny???

Today has been one of those days where the suggestion of having a lock on the outside of my son's door no longer seems like a joke amongst a group of moms discussing their children but like a really great idea.

Not so long ago, Reiss and Milla and I used to go to a group gathering on Friday mornings at a local church. All the mothers would share some fellowship while our children played in an adjoining room. Quite often the conversation would turn to discussing our children and the funny things they had done recently and sometimes the not-so-funny problems of disciplining children. A few of these moms told me, in all seriousness, that they had switched the door handles on their child's room to make it so the lock was on the outside of the door. I used to laugh at such a notion....

No more.

ABA therapy cannot begin soon enough for us. I was hoping it would have already begun but unfortunately, we do not have enough therapists lined up yet. Actually, there's a little more to it than that but that's the long and short of it. We should be up and running within the next two weeks. If not, my sanity may not last.

Some days we have these really great days and then other days are just maddening beyond belief. We have already started going to a social skills group associated with the ABA group we are using and Reiss does really awesome there and pays attention fairly well to the other kids' therapists who take charge of the group. Once we are up and running with our own in-home ABA program, our therapist will go with us to the group as well. Until then, I take Reiss and Milla and he has to do what the other therapists tell him to do.

Yesterday was quite interesting. We went to the social skills group. Reiss behaved pretty well but did have his moments of non-compliance. When he gets a timeout with the ABA therapists, he is generally very compliant and does his "time for the crime." Overall, yesterday was no different, with the exception of one instance where Reiss put up a bit of a fuss before his timeout. The therapist wasn't having it and seconds later, Reiss was sitting quietly in a timeout.

Fast forward to about an hour later when we got home and he did something to get a timeout here and being the observer I've learned very quickly to be, I did everything exactly as the ABA therapists, only to be met with a four-year-old putting up a fight equivocal to that of maybe someone three times his size just getting him over to the designated timeout area.

Seriously, I don't understand what I am doing wrong. I can do everything exactly the same (or, at least, I'm pretty certain it's exactly the same) as the ABA therapists, even down to the detail of showing no emotion. However, what works like magic for them most often results in kicking, screaming, pinching, hitting, and total lack of cooperation to sit in the timeout area. Reiss will sit quietly in a timeout for therapists and for his teacher at school a lot of times, yet I can't even get him to stay in the same place in a timeout when restrained in a booster seat. The only way to keep him in one place for a timeout at home is to put him in a booster seat that has buckles on it and also to restrain the booster seat to something else so that it cannot move. We have, well had - we need to refasten the straps - our booster seat sitting on the floor for safety and strapped to the posts that make up the railing around our stairs leading to the basement.

If it doesn't sound safe, I can assure you it is safe. There is no way Reiss can fall over, strangle himself, fall down the stairs, or whatever else anyone may be thinking. And just a note for anyone who may be thinking of calling Child Protective Services on me, I've checked, this is not only safe but actually what is recommended for keeping a child safe during a period of timeout.

I just keep thinking if my sanity can last until the ABA begins, we will all be fine. Reiss took non-compliance to a new level today. He peed in his pants twice. He pooped in his pants three times. He went through several pairs of pants and then fussed and complained and harassed me endlessly for two hours about how he has no pants that fit him. His ideal pants are Goodwill purhased, been through who knows how many children, faded beyond belief jeans....or home pants, as he calls them.

Now, I have nothing against secondhand clothes - they are practically all I grew up with and I still continue to buy from Goodwill occasionally when I can find something I like. However, for Reiss to say that he has no pants that fit him is simply ludicrous considering the fact that his size 4 and size 5 wardrobe has been complete since before he was even three years old, due to the fact that I exclusively buy him Gymboree clothing when it is out of season and on clearance and during Gymbucks earning and redemption periods and with coupons and using my Gymboree Visa and Gymboree Rewards program and on and on and on.....my method for getting Gymboree clothes for next to no money out of pocket is a whole 'nother post all its own and I won't bore anyone with that sort of thing today.

Needless to say, it breaks my heart when I see several pairs of excellent quality size 4 Gymboree jeans with those little marked down pricetags still hanging from them getting pushed to the far reaches of Reiss's closet all while he complains about having no home pants clean because all his crappy Goodwill jeans that cost more than the Gymboree jeans are dirty because he either pooped or peed in them.

And all this going on while Milla is trying to take a nap and keeping him at a low roar is like getting an elephant to tread lightly on a glass roof....

So going back to my original question....

Where ARE you, Supernanny???

Of all the lucrative ideas people have come up with to swindle parents of children with autism out of their dwindling financial resources, why hasn't someone come up with the idea of being a Supernanny-type professional exclusively for children with autism? Now that would be someone I would hire...

IEP's, Dinner For Dummies, and Other Ramblings

This evening my husband and I have a meeting to go to regarding the ABA center we are helping another couple get started. Actually, that makes it sound like we are playing some major role in the opening of a fabulous ABA facility but in reality, all we are doing is providing word of mouth to others in the autism community and a place for the couple to hold their presentations to get families interested in their center.

I'm very excited about it all but I'm also very tired. We have been going and going and going for around two weeks now and I just want a nap.

This morning was Reiss's case conference for his IEP and I gotta say, it wasn't nearly as bad as some of the nightmare stories I hear from friends who go in with a "team" of people ready to do battle. Of course, I don't have the same problems many of them have. We do have problems with Reiss running out of the classroom on occasion but luckily, it has not been out the door leading to the parking lot, but rather, the door leading out of his classroom and into the hall. We don't have problems - that I am aware of - with his teacher or aides giving him food that is not on his diet. And since we provide a box of snacks for him from home, they would have no reason to do so. We don't have problems with unfair punishments or have to deal with forms of discipline that some consider torture like so many parents of children with autism have to read about. Yes, it really happens...just look HERE if you don't believe me. By the way, that particular school system is notorious for incidents with their students in special services classrooms. Not long ago they also had one little girl with autism who was bitten in the classroom and force fed. I am, however, too lazy to go dig up a link for that as well though. So have at it, go Google yourself silly if you so desire.

Anyway, the only changes we made were to have Reiss's IEP written to include his dietary guidelines and his Diastat injector - just in case of another seizure - under the Health guidelines section. Because they have been having some behavioral problems in the classroom recently, there were also some behavioral modification plans made to accommodate for when Reiss fully rejects their current form of discipline, which is a combination of popsicle stick pocket pulls, 1-2-3 Magic, and timeouts. It sounds like a lot but it's basically 1-2-3 Magic adapted to a classroom setting. His teacher feels it is only effective for him a small part of the time and we will soon need to move on. It's amazing how this is exactly what she told me usually happens around mid-way through the year with the majority of the children, and although this is a little past midway, she was exactly right.

Moving on...

Today I made muffins. THIS is the recipe I used, as I often do. This recipe should have been more aptly name No-Fail Muffins or Muffins for Morons because it is so darn adaptable. These muffins simply cannot go wrong. They call for applesauce but I have also substituted the applesauce with bananas, zucchini, squash, and pumpkin, all with spectacular results. Today's applesauce sub was zucchini. They're so well-packed with good fats, proteins, and fiber that I don't even have an inkling of remorse serving these for a meal with a little fruit or something on the side. Because we have to get dinner on the table and out the door in a hurry this evening, we are having these muffins, some bacon, and whatever fruit we have on hand. I think there are some pears and apples that need to get gone, as well as some kiwis that Reiss will probably hoard all to himself.

Today we had carpet installed in our bedroom. I know, I know - don't tell me about all the harmful crap they put in that stuff. We purchased this carpet around a year ago when we had just begun making dietary changes, getting chemicals out of the house (we're still working on that one!), and frankly, we were just plain ignorant. If I knew then what I know now, we would have gone with running the wood laminate floors on into the bedroom or gone with a "green" carpet free of chemicals. What's the saying? Hindsight is 20/20 and considering the expense, it's not something we were going to just cut our losses and chalk up to experience.

After nearly a year straight of off and on (a lot of "on") people working on this or that in our house, I am ready to take a break. I am ready to close our doors and not have anyone work for us anytime soon. Ironically, we are getting ready to start our in-home ABA program and there will be people in and out of here every single day and for even more hours than all the remodeling projects put together but at least these are people working on a totally different aspect of our lives and not on our house and leaving messes in their wake when they leave for the day.

Thankfully, you can barely tell anymore that this is a 1974-built house. Other than the main bathroom, every room on this floor has been totally updated or had major modifications made to it to bring it into this decade from a decorative standpoint.

These monkeys are waking up from a nap. Reiss conked out on the chair in here during a phone call I was on earlier and Milla is on the couch. If you have read this far and are not bored to tears, I'm not sure whether to applaud your ability to focus or feel sorrow that you must have a really boring life that you could find my ramblings and my own mundane life ventures entertaining. At any rate, thank you for reading and leave a comment if you feel so inclined - I do read them and very much appreciate them, even if I don't acknowledge them as often as I would like.

Because ONE Day Would Just Be Too Much To Ask....

I admit it. I envy parents of typical children. I envy how seemingly easy it is for most of them to just pack up the kids, pack up the car, and go out for a day of fun. I envy how they can think nothing of going to a movie their child has wanted to see or a restaurant for a special family dinner or heck, even just to the post office to mail a package.

I feel like my family's life is all about just wanting ONE day of knowing what it's like to have typical children. One day where we don't have to deal with autism. One day where I can look back at the end of the day and think "Wow, this must be what it's like to be a regular family." But apparently, one day like that is just too much to ask because I'm still waiting for it.

Packing up the kids and packing up the car for a day of fun (and I use the term "fun" very loosely because most of these outings for us consist mainly of chaos control and tantrum prevention) does not happen very often for us. Doing so means packing up food that fits our specialized diet, making sure we have enough clothes changes should we have any "accidents" with a child who would probably be potty-trained by this age, if he was a neurotypical. Don't get me wrong...I know it's not his fault he has autism and I do know we are lucky that he is "mostly" potty-trained, considering I have friends whose children with autism are seven, eight, nine years old and older who still wear diapers.

My kids do not watch tv so going to a movie is out of the question. It's not that we do not allow tv viewing in our home, they simply have no interest and no attention span to sit still for watching tv. Ask a typical child who their favorite cartoon character is and immediately they will spout off some silly Disney or Nickelodeon character. Ask my children who their favorite cartoon characters are and they will stare blankly, not even knowing what you're talking about.

Going to a restaurant? Ha! First of all, my children can't eat most of what is served in restaurants and again, there's the won't-sit-still factor. We could take our own food but then we have to talk to the manager of the restaurant. Then there's dealing with Reiss who has that wonderful aspect of autism that involves rigidity to sameness (although he uses this selectively, as you'll read later about fits involving me and giving him what I think he wants at the time) gets bent out of shape if his plate looks any different than Daddy's plate, so James can't really eat the food offered in the restaurant either unless we sit there with the whole restaurant patronage looking at us while our child throws a fit.

Going to the post office isn't impossible but it's no walk in the park. Typically, I try to do this, when needed, when Reiss is in preschool. Until about two months ago, Reiss hadn't even been in a post office for almost two years. I simply didn't want to deal with it.

Am I complaining? Yes, actually, I am and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not blaming anyone or blaming my child but yes, I am complaining. I get tired of all the challenges of autism and how it invades every aspect of our entire lives. Although I don't really pay attention anymore to the stares out in public, I do still get tired of them.

I get tired of every single day, nearly every waking moment being a challenge.

I am tired of politicians in high places cutting funds for services (i.e respite care....can I get a "Hell, yeah!" from those of you who know what I'm talking about???) families like mine desperately need and then offloading billions to people who have entered my country illegally. Yeah, I said it!

I am tired of trying what all the behavior "experts" whose clients are parents of typical children say to do for behavior modification and it not working with my child. I wish all these "experts" would walk a day in my shoes and understand that their Supernanny methods, 1-2-3 Magic, positive reinforcement, giving choices, and just about everything else imaginable doesn't always work with children with autism the way they swear it does with typical children. While all those are good methods and we have had limited success with each of them, the fact still remains that children like mine are wired differently. It's not just me saying this - it truly is a fact. Even my child's own preschool teacher understands that none of these methods will work consistently and for very long with a child with autism. So why don't these professionals who are getting paid multiple times more than her seem to get that?

I get tired of being judged for everything - how I handle situations with my children, the way I feed them, the treatments I choose to work towards recovering my children from autism, and on and on and on. Just this morning I was speaking with another mom of two boys with autism who told me her extended family swears that her sons' improvements towards recovery have nothing to do with the biomedical treatments (that are, coincidentally, very similar to the ones we use) she has been doing, but rather, her sons are simply "outgrowing" their autism. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry because we - my husband and I - have both heard things along the same lines.....

"Oh, it looks like Reiss is really starting to outgrow this..."

and

"Just give it a few years and he'll outgrow it."

I am tired of nearly every encounter with my child being a struggle. Reiss may want his pancake cut up today and then throw a ten-minute tantrum tomorrow because I cut it up. This evening I may give him a fork at dinner and then have to listen to him have a meltdown about "Why'd ya' give me a fork, Mommy?" when just yesterday he wondered why I didn't give him a fork. It's like no matter what I do, I have to think about my actions before doing them and recall what it was that made Reiss happy in the same situation ten minutes ago or this morning or yesterday and then recreate whatever made him happy, only to be met with a tantrum because this time he wanted it differently......again. Ignorant people call this being bratty. In my children, it's autism.

Yes, I'm complaining. And yes, I hate autism. And yes, I hate living in a world that's not made for people like me or my children. And yes, I am having a bad day. Yes, I would love to be one of those mothers of children with autism who just puts on a happy face all the time but that's not me. And honestly, I have a feeling that it's not really how those moms feel either......they just save their unhappiness for more private moments. I don't know of a single mom who will say they love autism or the challenges it creates.

I'm done....that's all, folks. Back to the grind and tantrums and challenges and endless paperwork for services for my children and therapies and phone calls to therapists and finding a babysitter who truly "gets" it and finding that magic combo that will save me my sanity improve my child's well-being.....

Little Fingers, Big Actions

As you may have already read, last night I had a big long post typed out and was still typing when POOF! My computer screen went black. My sweet little Milla had hit the reset button and I lost everything except for the title of the post. Guess that's what I get for typing on my dinosaur in the basement instead of the laptop I love.

It's probably for the best, as it was all just a random bunch of rambling, part of which could have been classified as complaining......like the part about how it took four (yes, four!) employees - one of whom made a snide comment that amounted to it being my fault that it was taking so long - and nearly twenty minutes to do a simple return transaction for me at a store over the weekend. But I'm not going to get into that again because everything happens for a reason and Milla turning off my computer was obviously a reminder that I should not be complaining.

Earlier this afternoon I was on facebook and one of the groups I belong to is dedicated to parents of autism. To be more specific, it is actually the facebook homepage for Laura Shumaker's book, A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism. Occasionally, Laura poses questions to group members and her latest question is, "What is your child's most frustrating behavior/quirk?" I was reading through the responses and was comforted in knowing that many of the behaviors Reiss demonstrates are right in line with many other children with autism.

I realize that may sound strange that I am comforted by other parents experiencing what can be some really annoying behaviors in their children - and not just annoying, but some that are downright dangerous. It's not some weird sadistic streak in me - it's just that none of the autistic children I know personally exhibit many of the same behaviors as Reiss. For example, one of Reiss' dangerous behaviors is that he runs off a lot of times with no regard for his own safety. Discipline has proven ineffective in curbing this. And if it's all my bad parenting to blame, then that doesn't really explain why he continues to do it at school when his teachers discipline him for it as well. What comforted me in reading some of the responses though, was that many, many parents replied that their children do the same thing - will run off without any regard at all for anything.

If you have a facebook account, I highly encourage you to check out and join the homepage I mentioned. Even if you don't have an autistic child, there is a lot to be learned from those of us who are living it every day. I don't pay attention to the nasty looks in public near as much as I used to but if I can educate just one person about autism and how it can sometimes make children appear simply as spoiled brats, then I've done something worthwhile. Anyhoo, here is the link: A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism I'm not really sure what you'll be able to see if you don't have a facebook account....probably nothing. If that's the case, go here: Laura Shumaker Going there won't allow you to read about the daily experiences of parents of autistic children, but it is a pretty good resource for finding other websites about autism.

Welp, that about does it for my rambling for the day. I've got a meatloaf in the oven and the aroma is to die for!....kids are napping...the wind outside is fierce.....it is a perfect Autumn day for comfort food and apple pie......Alas, I just began dieting again today, so no apple pie for me. Not that there is one, anyway.

Baby Steps

It is way too late, yet here I sit. On the computer. Slouching and wide awake. Guess that's what I get for eating three fun-size York Peppermint Patties less than an hour before bedtime. What can I say...we don't keep candy around here much anymore but when we do, I go cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

I will pay tomorrow morning for this late night rendezvous with my laptop but who cares - the patties were darn good and I'm getting in quality computer time in utter silence. Forget York, quiet is the real treat in this house. No dishwasher running. No dryer tumbling. No air conditioner humming. But most importantly, no children hanging on me nursing, whining, crying, pulling my toes apart (Reiss), or otherwise making it impossible for me to savor my surf time.

Today we did the Walgreens and CVS runs. Both were fairly uneventful except for the entertainment we provided for the elderly couple in the candy aisle at CVS. Reiss kept alternating between "I gotta poop!" and "I wanna go get french fries!"

The older gentlemen found this quite amusing and Reiss asked, "Why was that guy laughing?" Hmmm....I don't know, Reiss. Do you think it may have been the fact that you were announcing to the world that you have to poop at a volume of about twenty-seven when you should be at about a two?

But of course I didn't say that.

We did go get french fries afterwards despite the fact that it was a reward promised only on the condition of good behavior. Really, neither of the monkeys behaved especially badly, just not ideal. But then, I've gotten used to things not being ideal when we go out.

Unfortunately, I wonder if I will ever know if I'm being too picky and this is the way most (almost) two- and four-year-olds act or if this is just the way things are because of the autism. And no, I'm not referring to the poop announcements. I'm talking about how things never seem to be just fun and carefree for us, like they seem for so many of my friends with children. They talk about all their adventures out and about with their kids and when I try to visualize my family doing the same kinds of things, I practically have an anxiety attack just imagining the outcome because of so many past experiences we've had. That's not to say we don't take Reiss places and keep right on trying.

However, here's a "for instance"...........

A friend of mine recently took her own two sons to an amusement park. Now, both of her sons fall in different areas of the autism spectrum but they are very different from Reiss - as all children with ASD are. Anyhow, she told me all the rides the boys went on and how they just loved the excitement of it all and had a ball.

Now, my visualization.....And remember, I am trying to remain positive but I also know Reiss and I know our past experiences and I also know things he tends to like and dislike and what will usually cause a tantrum.....

Let's imagine an amusement park setting and the most non-scary ride possible. A ride made just the perfect size and with just the right amount of fun for a four-year-old.....I'm thinking something like bumper boats. With that in mind, the first thing that comes to mind is Reiss having a fit because a drop of water will get on him. Should we actually get past the water on him and make it into the boat, there will probably be some water lingering in the bottom of the boat that will get his shoes wet. And if we make it past that even and get moving in the boat without any water tantrums, it will probably then be a matter of there only being one steering wheel in the boat (I'm imagining a boat that holds two people).

Again, I really do try to stay positive and even my fears like the above do not keep us from taking Reiss places just in case that one time is the time when he is compliant and ready to have a good time. However, so far, that has not been the case at amusement parks.....To be honest, we haven't even gone to an amusement park with Reiss yet. We haven't gotten past going to the little church fairs and carnivals yet because I figure why waste a boatload (no pun intended here, given my above example) of money on admission at a large theme park when we can't even get Reiss in the silly rides and amusements of a dinky little church fair? Yes, believe me, we have tried.

And here's the positive....Baby steps.....that's all I can say. Not terribly long ago, Reiss wouldn't even let go of James or me out in public. Now he fights to have his hand held in a parking lot. He would cry hysterically when we would take him to the indoor bounce house place. You know, the kind of place typical three-year-olds beg to to be taken? Nope, not Reiss. We were just lucky that the employees were so willing on many of those visits to let us go in without paying admission to see if Reiss would "warm up" to the place....only to leave with him crying - and not because he was leaving, but because he didn't want to be there to begin with. Now he even sees the place when we are out driving and he wants to go there.

Baby steps......While others are out living it up with their children, I'm being thankful that Reiss is as fortunate as he is. As depressed as I sometimes get, I really do realize how fortunate he and we are. Reiss does talk, albeit too much, but thank goodness, he is not non-verbal like so many autistic children we know. Reiss doesn't have nearly the physical problems many autistic children have. Yes, we have our bouts of constipation and he's on more supplements than most professional athletes but Reiss is generally healthy. Reiss lacks back and forth conversational skills but at least he answers different types of questions (think "who," "what," - "why," "when," and "how" are still areas of confusion for him) many times now when asked. As short as a few months back, there were times when I wanted to rip my hair out because he wouldn't even answer "yes" or "no" questions. Baby steps........

Blah, blah, blah......is anyone still reading?

By the way, am I the only one who doesn't have a clue what to put in the "Title" box when I start writing a post, but then figure it out once I've started or just as I'm finishing? Yes? No? Anyhoo......guess you see where the title of this post came from. And I bet it has nothing to do with what you imagined it would be when you began reading.

Nuh-night!

Blah, blah, blah, blah, and BLAH....

This morning when I picked up Reiss from preschool he asked me, "Why'd you have to pull a stick?" Again, if you're a newbie here this is Reiss' way of asking "Why did I have to pull a stick?" And the sticks he is talking about are the popsicle sticks on the disciplinary chart at school.

I'm not privy to all the fine details of the "stick" system at school (or work, as Reiss calls it) but I think it boils down to their form of 1-2-3 Magic. It looks like they start out with three sticks and the child pulls one when they do something wrong. I don't know.....I figured I would wait until things have calmed down from all the new-ness of the new school year and then bombard the teacher with all my questions. You know, just as she is feeling like she can relax.

Monday evening Reiss and James made brownies together. They used one of the Betty Crocker gluten-free mixes we received from BlogSpark. I've got a ton of pictures from the mess that evening but have not downloaded or uploaded (or whatever!) them onto the computer. After the brownies cooled a bit, we frosted them with some leftover frosting I made for a cake last week.

Yesterday, as I was trying to do some dinner prep in the morning, I scorched the brownies to a crisp. The pan of brownies was sitting with foil on it on one of the back burners on the stovetop. I needed to use that burner and moved the brownies to the front burner and then turned on - what I thought was - the back burner on "High." But no, it was the front burner where the brownies were sitting and I soon began to hear a sizzle accompanied by a nice aroma of charred brownies. It wasn't pretty....at all. Actually, it was so bad that I threw the pan away - and that was after letting it soak for awhile. This is a big thing because I don't throw anything away unless it really cannot be used again. I even told my husband as I was carrying it to the trash can, "Watch this because you won't see it very often." Even knowing me as long as he has, I can still shock him.

We are getting ready to get a new bathroom in our master bedroom. This was something I really didn't want to do until next year or the year after. However, as is almost always the case, our house had other plans. Our shower took a turn for the worse and started leaking water through cracks in the tile walls and into the ceiling of the finished part of our basement. We could just repair the damage. Or we could spend a little more and get a new shower. Or we could even spend a lot more and get a new bathroom. Woohoo.....what can I say.....things never happen as we plan for them to and I'd rather get it all out of the way now than do one thing now and then have construction people back again in another year or two.

In other areas of our lives......I think I mentioned awhile back that Reiss is now getting B12 shots. We are to give them to him every three days. I am so proud of my husband or maybe I should clarify and say that I am so thankful for my husband in that he has taken on this duty with gusto. I have not had to give Reiss a single shot. And speaking of Reiss, he has taken it like a big boy. He loves "pokey time" as he calls it.....I just hope he doesn't ever say this very loudly out in public. Goodness only knows what people will assume he is referring to.

Anyhooo.....

Since this is just a random post, I'll just add this in here. I don't watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8" anymore because it's just become so darn depressing but sometimes it comes on after another show is playing and I'll hear the beginning of it. Am I the only one who wants to vomit every time I here the part in the opening of it where Jon says, "We're a family and we're in this together." Yeah......before you decided to go dropping your pants all over the place. Seriously..........

And The Award Goes To......

ME!!!!

Which award, you say? Why, only the most suburban housewife coveted award, of course! No, not the Soccer Mom-of-the-Year trophy. This award is much more well-deserved, yet achievements leading up to it are never thought out or planned for in advance. I'm talking about the Public Mommy Tantrum Medal of Honor.

Yes, my motherly patience was put to the test today while waiting on a cash register error to be corrected at Walgreens (only one of my most favorite stores in the world) today. This week's ad clearly states the new product by Soft Soap called Nutri Serums Body Wash is free after $3.99 in Register Rewards.

Before paying today, I specifically requested to pay in Cosmetics because there was a girl working over there and I had seven coupons and just about every time I go to Walgreens, I have a problem. And really, who wants to be that person at the main register at the front of the store holding up the line because the $.50 coupon for tampons (or whatever) didn't ring up correctly? Not me! I love my coupons and I can be maniacal about them (just ask my husband) but I'm also not going to stand there while twenty people are rolling their eyes at me for wanting to get my fifty cents deducted (hey, I worked hard for that!). Cut me some slack - I'm not a masochist.

Yes, Walgreens is one of my favorite stores in the whole world but it doesn't change the fact that there always seems to be a problem every single time I pay them a visit. Really....every time. My husband knows better when I say, "I will be right back" as he drops me at the door and waits in the car with the kids. I never come right back and unfortunately, it's almost never by any fault of my own.

Oh no - No, when I'm at Walgreens, if it's not an item ringing up incorrectly, it's something else. Sometimes they scan all my coupons (oh yes, I do watch them!) but then I get my receipt and something is missing from the coupon deductions. Today's issue was my Register Reward did not print for the body wash.

By the way, body wash is one of those things on my list of toiletries where my motto is as follows: "If you're paying for it, you're paying too much money." Between all the freebies I've gotten over the years from CVS Extra Care Bucks and Walgreens Register Rewards (formerly from their rebate catalog), I haven't paid out of pocket for razors, toothbrushes, shampoo, conditioner, or body wash (and the list goes on and on) in years. And I have enough stocked to keep us in business, or clean at least, for a few years to come.

Anyhoo....getting off-track here as usual. And gee, I wonder why my kids can't sit still for five minutes just to watch some cartoons and give me a break.

So my Register Reward did not print and Lucy Loo Hoo, the cashier, had to call the 12-year-old manager over to get the problem fixed and of course, that meant waiting for what seemed like an eternity.

Somewhere in all this, my monkey children saw the opportunity for attack. Or more specifically, Reiss saw his window of opportunity to grab about twenty gossip rags from the rack fastened to the checkout counter and have his own little drugstore party. I've never seen so many photos of Jon Gosselin all in one place! He was on the floor, in the cart, on the counter. It was like a Jon-apalooza!

After cleaning up the Gosselin mess (I bet Kate wishes it were this easy for her too!), I had to enforce the one-hand-on-the-cart rule, which is almost always a sure sign of a coming tantrum. Luckily, this time it wasn't. Instead of a tantrum, Reiss started grabbing bottle after (breakable) bottle of brightly colored nail polish from a display and placing - or perhaps, dropping is a better word for what he was doing - them on the floor at his feet. Thank goodness, none of them broke.

All the while, I was doing my best Michelle Duggar-esque picture of saintly motherhood while waiting on the manager to get her butt over to Cosmetics. Seriously, I think they must have had to call over and get her from the neighboring Steak~N~Shake or something, as long as it took here to get there.

Eventually, the manager arrived.......E. Vent. Ually.

Frankly, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of being patient and staying calm while my little angels (I have to use the plural form so as not to sound as though Reiss was the only guilty party - but for the record, he was) attempted to bring Walgreens - or at the very least, the entire Cosmetics department - crashing to the ground.

However, maybe my version of the story is skewed and/or biased because I witnessed no less than three gawking individuals quickly turn their heads as I rose from picking up the fingernail polish bottles. They were all older folks too, so I'm sure they were doing the "Parents these days, good grief...." line in their heads. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself for using restraint and not using the "He's autistic, you ___hole!" line I learned from one of Jenny McCarthy's books.

Several strewn magazines, unbroken fingernail polish bottles, and maybe all of ten minutes later we were on our way out the door with our $3.99....in cash, because 12-year-old manager girl didn't know how to make a Register Reward print after the fact.

Oh yeah...I forgot to mention the best part of our Walgreens trip. As I was picking out candy bars for Daddy for free ($.49 each plus a $1 off 2 coupon = FREE!), Reiss said "Why are we getting dog food?" Oh, I've taught him well! And this is why my kids never - really, NEVER - beg for candy in the checkout lines.

BWA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!

Man, I REALLY Don't Like Whites!!!

How's that for self-deprecation? Actually, it sounds pretty prejudiced against not only myself but the majority of people in my life. That is, until I tell you it has nothing to do with people and all to do with what I said as I was throwing a load of clothes in the washer this afternoon.

While Reiss was finishing up a load of poop in his Pull-Up (I detest trying to put him on the toddler potty after he has already started doing his business!), I decided to start a load of whites in the washer. It felt like I spent an eternity in the laundry room pitching dirty socks into the washer. Seriously, I'm on to the sock scheming of the men in this household (which consists of only James and Reiss) - they're either changing their socks every fourteen minutes or those little buggers are breeding in the dirty clothes bin.

Before all the sock business we, as in, Reiss, Milla, and myself, had spent the better part of an hour in the bathroom. We got home from the library and immediately Milla grabbed herself and yelled "Pee!" as she always does when she needs to go. And it's so cute, by the way. She grabs herself and yells "Pee!" and gets the most accusatory look on her face as if to say, "Oh no, the nerve that I, the princess, would be made to do something so incredibly unclean!"

We went in the bathroom and Milla did her thing. She got up and I got her all cleaned up and helped her wash her hands and then Reiss declared he had to poop. So then I got Reiss all situated and, of course, Milla decided she had to go again. I never know when to tell her she can't go just because Reiss is in there because many times when she plays this game, she does actually produce some results in the potty, despite the fact that she just got off the potty less than a minute or two before. This was one of those times. So I got her back off the potty while Reiss still sat there and sat and sat and sat. We sang the ABC's and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and some other song Reiss was singing. I'm not sure what it was but it sounded like he was singing the words to the Menard's (a chain of large home improvement/hardware stores primarily in the Midwest) theme song to the tune of the Go Daddy website song. Danica Patrick would be proud.

Finally, Reiss got up and hadn't produced anything. He went about playing and sure enough, next thing I knew he was going in his Pull-Up. Anymore, he generally wears underwear under his pants or shorts and only wears Pull-Ups when he is a)sleeping at night b)napping in the afternoon or c)going somewhere. Since we had just gotten back from the library and he was going to be napping soon thereafter, I didn't bother to take off his Pull-Up. As I said before, I do not like to try to get him to the potty in "mid-poop" so I just let him finish it up. If we are to get him potty-trained before say, high school, I think I may just have to bite the bullet and deal with the mess even if it means pulling him to the potty mid-poop occasionally. And please, don't anyone try to reassure me by saying "He won't go to kindergarten in diapers." While I would like to be optimistic and believe that about Reiss, I also know of many moms of children with special needs who can attest to the fact that that is exactly how their child showed up to kindergarten....in a diaper.

Enough about poop.....

Today we went to the library and if you read this blog even occasionally, you know this is a big thing for me. We used to go to the library all the time until one day I finally threw in the towel and decided I was done making trips to the library until Reiss either stopped running from me in public or until we got him a locator bracelet. He still runs from me occasionally and he doesn't have a locator bracelet (yet - although we are in contact with an organization to see about getting him one) but I am trying to be more bold these days in my attempts at making outings without hubs along to assist.

The library seems like it would be a rather harmless place to go except the one near us can be quite dangerous. Since I cannot draw a picture I will try to describe it the best I can. First, the outside of the library has a pretty large parking lot that surrounds two sides of the building in the shape of an "L." Getting into the library can be a challenge because it is ALWAYS busy and we have to park a ways from the entrance. Reiss has little to no concept of danger so I can explain all day why he needs to hold my hand and he will still say, "Wanna get hit by a car."

Going into the library, the entrance consists of two sets of automatic doors. Once inside the library, the children's section is off to the right. All the way far, far back at the very back of the children's section is a place for the children to play. There is a wide aisle in the middle of the children's section separating row after row after row of bookshelves. Typically, we try to stay in the play area. However, if Reiss bolts for the door going out of the children's section, he only has to make it out of that section and about another fifteen feet before he would reach the automatic doors going out into the parking lot where people seemingly feel they need to race by the front entrance as if they are in the Indy 500. Should he decide to do so, Reiss could do it all in a matter of seconds. Not exactly comforting when I have Milla to look after as well.

In summary, when you combine a child who loves to run (I can't hold his hand ALL the time!) with automatic doors exiting a building, and cars whizzing by as soon as one exits the building, it's like a recipe for Reiss Roadkill. Call me biased but that's not really something I'd like on the menu of a single one of my days. See why the library can be quite an endeavor for us?

Today was a little different though. Reiss did not run from me even one time and I was very proud of him. Maybe all my lecturing is starting to pay off. No matter where we go, we always have these little discussions with Reiss about the behavior that is expected once we reach our destination. It's hit and miss whether it actually works.

Furthermore, my Momma Duggar impersonation was right on tack today. That's what I call my attempts at gentle parenting or whatever it's called when the parent remains calm regardless of the situation. Honestly, I don't know how Michelle does it....I think the world could be falling down around her and she would still have every last nerve in line and under control and would have the energy and patience to calmly say, "Now, J....... (whichever "J" named child needed some behavior correction), we don't do that." Seriously, does anything rattle that woman? If I sound annoyed, it's only because I'm so darn envious that I don't seem to have the same patience within myself.

What a boring day....Is anyone still reading? How many people left after all the poop talk? If you didn't leave after that, are you still awake and reading my mindless blathering?

FINALLY Friday!!!

Actually, this week has flown by so "FINALLY Friday!!!" may imply something other than my true feelings regarding this week and how we arrived at today.

This morning's playgroup was a very welcomed hour of near-relaxation. Most Fridays, my Mommy Mojo totally escapes me once we arrive at playgroup and I spend the majority of our time there doing what some may consider hovering - but what I consider supervising - Reiss. This morning was different though, and with the exception of a "No, Reiss" here and a "Stay out of the toy closet" there, I was treated to an hour of almost total inactivity and adult conversation spent in a child-size chair - just like all the other moms. I dream about this kind of relaxing but it's a rare indulgence in which I am able to partake. Helicopter parenting is not my style but I do take on somewhat a level of an authoritarian on Friday mornings simply as a way to keep the best interests of the other children in mind at playgroup.

When I mention the best interests of other children, I mean making certain Reiss does not force his presence onto others. For example, Reiss is doing very well with the concept of sharing lately but his presentation could use a little improvement. Getting him to understand turn-taking and sharing has been a bit of a challenge but it's that same understanding that he has acquired in recent weeks that has given me faith of our arrival very soon in a place where he understands gentility also plays a role in give and take.

Translation: Learning the concept of sharing is an extremely noteworthy accomplishment, however, the technique Reiss uses needs improvement so as to avoid toys being shoved into the faces of other children.

Reiss loves to present toys to other children but he tends to be a tad aggressive in his persistence to get the other child to accept the toy. Occasionally, when he's trying to share with another child, if the other child does not want the toy or whatever he is offering, he will insist by wrapping the child's hand around the toy. So we have our work cut out for us in that aspect.

On the autism research front, I received a call today from a highly respected local figure in the field of special needs education. Her name was given to me by two separate individuals who spoke very highly of her and her skills in helping families with children on the autism spectrum. She asked me a few questions about Reiss and which areas we need educational resources and is sending out a packet of materials appropriate for our needs.

During our conversation, I told her one area we seem to have a problem with is a lack of our extended families "getting it" and understanding that doing things the same way one would do them with a typical child doesn't always necessarily work with Reiss or children with ASD, in general. She said she sees this in almost every family she helps. That saddens me because it tells me that many other families are not getting the well-deserved and much-needed support from their extended families. On the bright side, she sounds very dedicated to going to any necessary extremes to help families deal with extended families, including coming to the child's birthday party and speaking with family members...Now that would be some gift!

Zooday Tuesday: Pterodactyls Are NOT Extinct!

For weeks now, I had been dreading today. See, today was to be a very special day. Today was the family zoo trip for Reiss and his class and the class across the hall from his. What joy - a day at the zoo with twenty-some three, four, and five-year-olds. And as an added bonus, some of them - Reiss included - had their siblings with them. Maybe "dread" is not the right word for how I had been counting down the days to today. Perhaps "very cautiously optimistic" is more appropriate.

Before I go any further, I'll just preface this story by stating if you were to ask James how the zoo trip went, you will get a totally different story than mine. Keep in mind though, James is not the manic mommy I am and he also was not the one accosted by THE bee....more on that later.

Our day started out like most days when Reiss goes to preschool, except for today Reiss was not going to school. Because Milla and I were going on the zoo trip as well, Reiss was to ride with us instead of on the bus taking the children to the zoo.

As I was getting everything ready to go - lunches packed, extra clothes in case anyone had an "accident" (I'm pretty consistent so I didn't pack any clothes for myself.), check the diaper wipes container, make sure the kids' cups are full, James called and said he wasn't terribly busy at work and did I want him to go with us? Uh....how am I supposed to responed to this? I didn't want to jump on it with an overly-excited "YES!!!" but I also didn't want him to feel like he was neglecting anything at work. I opted for the old stand-by, "It's up to you, Dear." And it was decided James would go with us and we would pick him up from work on our way to the zoo. As if we weren't already running around like a bunch of crazies to get out of here - or maybe that was just me since Reiss and Milla were running around getting underfoot - I now needed to pack more lunch food in the bags, more drinks, more everything. But I'm not complaining because James was going and that meant I would have help!

It was about the time I got off the phone with James when Reiss started asking for the phone he's been playing with for a few days now. We must have twenty toy phones around here but he needed this specific phone that is a cheaply made little thing from Dollar Tree. Forget all the phones specifically designed for toddlers to have a "learning experience" with all their colorful buttons on them that make the phone talk, sing, dance, and whatever else when you press them! No, Reiss wanted the one that looks like a real cell phone and was made in China by someone who probably gets a cup of rice to eat every other day. Don't blame me - Grandma bought it!

We could not find the stupid cell phone and it was time to leave. I had a bad feeling from the get-go that I should just risk being late to the zoo and look around until we found that phone but the other voice inside me said I needed to get our rears out the door and on the road. Bad decision.

After fetching James from work and a remarkably uneventful drive to the zoo (it's downtown - enough said), with the exception of listening to Reiss go on and on about the cell phone, we arrived just as the children from Reiss's class were unloading from the bus. Except for James, our admissions were prepaid with the permission slip that was sent home on Tuesday of last week and needed to be back by Thursday. Seriously....Reiss only goes to school on Tuesday and Thursday, so you'd think they would not only give a little more advance scheduling with the form being sent home but more time in which to return it. Oh well, we're responsible parents and got it turned back in on time so I guess no foul, no harm or however that saying goes.

We were prepared to pay for James to get in but somehow it worked out that he was able to just walk in, as well as another parent who had not planned on coming prior to today and had not prepaid either. Maybe Miss Kathryn gave the zoo admissions people a really charming smile or something.

So we all got in the gate and it was like the gunshot at a horse race and all the horses bolt down the lanes. All the people in our group bolted off towards the dolphin pavilion for the show that was going to take place within the half hour. Meanwhile, James, Reiss, Milla, and I were trudging along at a crawl with Reiss crying and wiping his eyes because he didn't get his hand stamped like Mommy and Daddy did by the zoo admissions lady. James rubbed his stamp on Reiss's hand and some of the ink rubbed off on his little hand. That seemed to satisfy him for a bit but then as we were making our way towards the dolphin pavilion Reiss started in again about wanting the cell phone. We did not go to the dolphin show. I knew Reiss wouldn't sit still for that long and especially not when his only focus was on wanting that %$^&*# phone. Yes, we tried giving him my real cell phone. It didn't work. Even Daddy's cell phone with it's really cool little built-in camera was a no-go.

We walked, Reiss talked....about the phone. Then he was hungry and we brought out the animal cookies. Wasn't that appropriate - animal cookies at the zoo. Hopefully, I'm not the only one who thought that was kinda cute. Reiss talked about going home to get the phone. I threatened to leave the zoo and go home but somehow it didn't have the effect I was hoping for since Reiss wanted to go home. He got the lecture about not talking about the phone and not running away and behaving and if the stars were aligned just right, we would visit the gift shop as we left. Occasionally, we saw an animal here or there as we walked.

Now I don't want anyone to think I had an absolutely miserable time at the zoo but I will admit that I find it a bit pathetic that my biggest joy was not in seeing my children's reactions to the animals, but my own reaction to the little meerkats frolicking around in the "Deserts" exhibit. They were so cute and playful and friendly. One came up and sat right up against the glass wall separating them from us. Reiss did say something funny about the meerkats and I'm ashamed because I don't remember what it was. It's not that I am focusing on his tunnel-vision for wanting the phone, it's just a fact that the phone placed such a wrench in our enjoyment today.

In past trips to the zoo, Reiss has shown little interest in the animals at the zoo but I can't help but wonder if things would have been different today had we just stayed home a few minutes longer and found that phone. He would have had it with him, probably would have lost interest in it after a few minutes, and most likely would have tossed it into the basket of the stroller. Maybe, just maybe, he would have been satiated by the phone before we even got to the zoo and been more attentive to the animals that we were there to see.

Moving on....

We went to eat our lunch under a huge outdoor tent that normally has chairs and tables under it. Today it only had tables, no chairs. We plopped down in the grass to eat our lunch only to have a bee the size of my head take an obscene interest in me. It flew around me. It hovered around me. It landed on me. Several times. As this was going on, I grew progressively more concerned and by the time Miss Kathryn came over to tell me that it was just a carpenter bee and only the males/females (sorry, can't remember which) have stingers, I was shaking uncontrollably. Thank you, Miss Kathryn, but that isn't much comfort when
a) I don't have an entomological degree and therefore, cannot tell if said bee is female or male.
b) my father is nearly deathly allergic to bees.
c) I haven't been stung in so long that I don't know if I'm allergic or not and hence,
d) I don't carry an epi-pen.

We have carpenter bees around our property all the time and they're nothing new to me but they usually don't stalk me for ten minutes either. The ones we usually see also aren't the size of Texas and make me question the extinction of pterodactyls. Yes, it was that big. Don't believe the propaganda - there are ancients amongst us and pterodactyls roam the skies.

Right after what seemed like an insanely long time spent trying to get in four or five bites of my salmon salad on a bed of greens, Reiss took off running. My lunch was over and I finally caught up to him about a hundred yards into his sprint. Just as I returned, Milla crawled under the tent's side canopy. After retrieving Milla, James wisely declared he thought it was time to leave. Less than two hours into our trip to the zoo that was to be a four hour trip, we headed for the exit.

We did not visit the gift shop on the way out.

And oh yeah, I forgot to mention the blueberry my little angel, Milla, so delicately placed down the backside of my pants.

Most Valuable Currency: Chocolate Chips!

Not a whole lot going on here to speak of, really.

Reiss goes to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I got a shower this morning, so that was quite nice. Not something to laugh about but showers on an everyday basis are somewhat of a luxury for me. Most Tuesdays, Wednesdays (when Reiss goes to PDO), and Thursdays I get a shower. Mondays and Fridays, when Reiss is home all day, are questionable. Weekend days I always get a shower. Mondays and Fridays are difficult unless I take a shower at night because taking a shower during the day requires that I leave Reiss and Milla to their own devices and most often that results in Reiss terrorizing Milla.

Reiss has had more of a compassionate or loving or I'm not sure what to call it streak in him for about the last two weeks. He will just out of the blue come up to me or Milla and start hugging and kissing us. In the past, this has not been the case a whole lot and on the rare occasions when he did do it, he liked making a game of hugging Milla as tight as possible. Not a bad thing when it's an adult, not so great when the recipient is only an 18-month-old baby girl.

Reiss peed on the potty today at school. This is quite an accomplishment for him. He hasn't peed on the potty outside the house since the last time we tried potty-training, which was last fall, and he only did it one time. Even after running around town for about two hours today after school, Reiss reminded me when we got home to give him his reward: a few GFCF chocolate chips.

Rewards have meant virtually nothing to Reiss in the past and I was beginning to question if they would work with our current efforts to potty-train Reiss. But it's just like a new friend of mine (who is also a spectrum mom) keeps saying, "You just have to figure out his currency." And I think we have finally found it. We are very proud of Reiss. Four - or, at least, close to it - seems to be the magic age for Reiss mastering the potty.

And speaking of running around town after school, I was so impressed with Reiss's behavior at Target last Tuesday, I decided to brave Meijer with him and Milla today - without Daddy along to help.

Just like last Tuesday, Reiss received the stern warnings before getting out of the vehicle that he was to either hold my hand or keep one hand on the stroller at all times while in the store. Parking lots are non-negotiable and he has to hold my hand while we make our way from any lot to a store or business or doctor's office or whatever.

Other than a sprint of about twenty feet when we first entered Meijer and went to the customer service desk, he stayed with me the entire time. We were in there for close to an hour probably so this is another reason to be proud of him today. He is making strides towards improved behavior, which means I am also making strides towards not feeling isolated from the world and being a prisoner of our home.

Tantrum-Free Target Tuesday

Yes, I am back to my infatuation with alliteration.

Today has been one pretty terrific Tuesday, although I have to say that even I am a tad amazed at being able to say that after getting Reiss home from preschool and experiencing tantrum after tantrum....and that was just the first ten minutes after arriving home.

We got home and Reiss didn't want to come in the house. Then he got mad at his drink for dripping water on his jacket and pants. Stupid sippy cup! I tried to explain that his jacket wouldn't have gotten water on it had he taken it off when I asked. I left out the part that it would have been his shirt that got wet had his jacket been off but whatever...moving on. He then threw a fit because there were only two things (salami and pineapple chunks) on his plate and not four things and that's when I got the peas and corn out of the fridge. Then it was his peas that were the cause of his upset. Darn things kept falling off the plate.....after he kept pushing them to the edge, of course.

We all ate lunch and Reiss kept asking for more peas. Yes, I know that is probably a dream for most parents! So he kept asking for more peas and I kept piling them on his plate. He was ignoring his salami slices though, so I had to start bribing him into eating one slice of salami per one more spoonful of peas. I'm all for eating peas but we have GOT to get protein in the boy too!

As Reiss ate more and more, his mood started to lighten. When he finished, I gave him a big hug and made a big ta-da out of how well he ate and he seemed pretty content. After getting his cup refilled and some shoes and socks on Milla, it was off to Target we went.

For some odd reason, there are certain stores where - as soon as we pull into the parking lot - Reiss will begin yet another tantrum about how he doesn't want to go into that store. Target is one of those stores. But Target is where I have found the "pretty girls" (what Reiss calls Milla's hairbands and bows) I like to buy for Milla and she has been in need of more of them for a few weeks now. I've been talking for days now about going to buy more pretty girls and, as a result, Reiss has also been saying "Wanna go buy more pretty girls." After a quick glance in my rearview mirror, I caught the beginning of Reiss getting a big birdie lip and a few tears and then there was the whining, "Don't wanna go in this store. Don't like this place."

Before I go any further, a little history.....Typically, I do not try to accomodate tantrums in ways in which I think doing so will make Reiss think he is being rewarded for bad behavior. However, having said that, I will fess up to several occasions when I have left a store's parking lot at the first sign of him throwing a fit about not wanting to go wherever we are going. Seriously...why fight about it? The most likely outcome is going to be that his fit escalates into an all-out tantrum and taking that kind of behavior into the store with me just isn't something I want to do.

Today was not going to be any different as far as me wanting to haul Reiss into a store kicking and screaming so I tried the only thing I could think of at the time to try to avert the inevitable tantrum: I lied.

I told Reiss that Target was the only place we could get pretty girls. Yes, it was a lie but I knew it was his currency for getting us in the door tantrum-free since he's been talking about buying pretty girls for days. Much to my surprise, it worked! He said, "Wanna go buy pretty girls." It was like clouds moved, skies opened up, the sun came out bold and bright, and a chorus could be heard.......LAAAAAAA!!! There are no words to describe it - I really think I was in shock.

Records were probably broken for the amount of time it took me to get the stroller out, Milla strapped in, Reiss out of the truck and into the store. We walked - yes, I said walked - around Target. Reiss didn't run even once. Maybe it was the stern warning (or maybe it was warnings since I probably told him at least twelve times) I gave him that he was to hold my hand in the parking lot and the stroller in the store or we would leave IMMEDIATELY. He did not hold my hand or the stroller the entire time in the store but he did not run from me even one time. I'll say it again: He did not run.

To any parent of a typical child I'm sure this doesn't seem significant at all but this was BIG for us. This is one of the very reasons I don't go out a whole lot during the day without my husband to help because Reiss runs from me wherever we go. The stroller is of no use because getting him into it without a tantrum is next to impossible but more important, he knows how to undo the straps. The harness/backpack restraint/leash/call-it-whatever-you-want thing is useless because - like the stroller - he throws a tantrum at even the mention of it and in the rare instance I can get it on him, he can get it off.

We casually walked around and looked at things and for the very first time since Reiss was young enough to not put up a fight about being in the stroller, I actually felt like a regular parent out for a no-stress trip to Target picking up a few items we needed and some we didn't. It was an amazing feeling. We did have some of the token harassing back and forth between Reiss and Milla - Reiss grabbing Milla's arm...Milla grabbing Reiss's glasses if he got too close to her...Reiss pulling Milla's pretty girls out of her hair - but otherwise, it was actually (dare I say it???) relaxing to just walk and look at things and get to shop.

On a side note, Reiss has been carrying around a little leather business card protector that James received as a promotional item from a hospital for which he did some work. Until last night when James got Reiss a real men's wallet, the business card protector served as a wallet for Reiss because Reiss has to do everything like Daddy.

Have I ever mentioned that Reiss's glasses do not have real lenses in them? Daddy wears glasses and because Reiss has to do everything like Daddy, for awhile he was wearing a pair of safety glasses. That is, until grandma went and got him a real set of frames with fake lenses.

Anyway, as usual, getting off-track here....So Reiss was carrying the business card protector around Target because I didn't want him to lose the real wallet and my thinking ahead was a darn good thing because he lost the business card protector. We paid for our stuff at Target before I discovered this and then we back-tracked our steps without success in finding the protector. We drove the stroller over to the customer service desk and someone had actually found it and turned it in.

Now, call me cynical but I really didn't expect someone to turn a lost item in to customer service - not even a worthless little business card protector. So, in addition to getting my mommy mojo back, our Target trip was also a lesson for me in keeping a level of faith and trust in our fellow mankind to do even the most trivial, unexpected favor of honesty.

Surprisingly Great Weekend

After the kind of day we had Friday, I wasn't expecting for this weekend to turn out as nicely as it has. I am happy to report that the amount of back and forth toddler harassing between Reiss and Milla has been about equal the last two days. Given most families' circumstances, any amount of harassing behavior between children would most likely not be cause for celebration. However, considering our family's circumstances and the fact that Reiss seems to consider pestering Milla a favorite pastime, it's nice to see when she gets in a pinch or a shove every once in awhile.

Friday evening I told James I was planning to go redeem my Gymbucks on Saturday morning. He wasn't thrilled with the prospect of having to watch Milla at a time when she is usually looking forward to her morning nap. The weather had other plans for me though. Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day and the mall was no place to be on a day that was such a rare treat for the month of April in Indiana. James had to do some work-related stuff and I was glad I had RSVP'ed for a birthday party for a little boy in Reiss's class that we wouldn't be able to make it because - well, we wouldn't have made it on time if we had tried.

Later on, there was a ton of stuff to do and yard-work to do. Reiss helped Daddy "work." I did some things that were getting behind in the house - a.k.a. laundry, dishes, bills, etc. - and then went outside to play with Reiss and Milla. We played on the swingsets...we threw sand everywhere in the sandbox and in the grass...we walked a little way into the woods to look for mushrooms. Well, not really. They played and I walked a little way into the woods but only far enough where I could still see them playing. Didn't find any mushrooms but really didn't expect to either. We have lived here six years and have not found any mushrooms since the first Spring of being here.

We came in for dinner and then decided to go burn up some gas driving around. Okay, not really. We weren't just driving around aimlessly. The plan was to go to the health food store before it closed so that I could replenish some supplements and get Reiss some Enjoy Life candy bars as a special reward for when he makes big strides in potty-training. And yes, I'm aware you're never supposed to use food as a reward but when you have a child with autism and sensory issues and other kinds of things going on, you do what you can and so far, chocolate is the only motivating factor for Reiss to produce "results" in the potty.

So we went and got the candy bars and then Reiss wanted to drive by his "work," which is just what we calls the school where he attends developmental preschool. Since it was kinda on the way to our next stop and not terribly off-track to getting there, I didn't argue against it. We went to the school, did a drive around the parking lot, and then it was on to Chick-Fil-A to get a "Daddy Pop" - what Reiss calls Sprite - and play in the play area. We do not keep soft drinks in our house, so Sprite is a special treat. By not keeping it around, it ensures that we - Reiss and Milla, to be specific - aren't drinking it all the time. We got to Chick-Fil-A and played for quite awhile and things were winding down and not a minute too soon because some creepy man came into the play area. I really do think he was the grandfather of one of the children in there and not just some pervert hanging out but he gave me the willies, nonetheless, so I got Milla and James wrapped things up with Reiss and we left.

Today turned out to be a perfect day for the mall because the skies have been gray all day. I'm always excited whenever Gymboree has Gymbucks earning and redemption times because I am able to stock up on clothes for super-cheap.

Most people think of Gymboree and think their clothes are so expensive - and they are right. But most people don't shop at Gymboree like I do either. I have several rules set for the way I shop there, including but not limited to only shopping the sales and clearance racks and ONLY shopping during Gymbucks earning and redemption periods. There's a lot more to my method than that but I won't bore anyone with the details of my strategies for bargain-hunting there or the gratification I get out of doing so. Suffice it to say that by sticking to my "rules" of shopping, I pay less for brand-new clothes from Gymboree for my children than my mother-in-law pays for second-hand, sometimes not-in-such-great-shape clothes for them from Goodwill. And no, I have nothing against second-hand clothing but when it has seen much better days and I know I can pay less for new clothes at Gymboree, why bother with the hassle of having to sort through literally thousands of things at Goodwill just to find a few things worth taking home?

My Gymboree extravaganza this afternoon was quite satisfying and much to James's surprise, very quick. This was a good thing because he was in charge of "entertaining" Reiss and Milla there at the mall while I shopped. They went and rode a few of the horrendously priced ($0.75 and $1.00 each) little toddler rides. That may not sound like a lot to pay but it's a far cry from the penny rides Meijer used to have in their stores. Yes, used to have. They took them all out and I don't know how true it was but I heard it was because some kid got hurt. Poor kid...I really do feel for him if that is what happened but, at the same time, I'd bet my left arm it was a child whose parents gave him the penny and sent him on his way rather than stand right there to help and keep him safe. I saw that kind of thing all the time when they had those rides in there.

Anyway, getting off-track here...what's new. So they rode the rides a few times and then stood outside Johnny Rockets and listened and watched as the employees sang and danced around and then by the time that was all over with, I was done! Amazing! I bet I wasn't in Gymboree longer than twenty minutes and that's pretty impressive since - even with being only four days into Gymbucks redemption - everything was pretty picked over and I was having to do some serious bargain-hunting. I came away with some really good stuff and one shirt even rang up for a dollar-something. Now who says Gymboree is too expensive???

After Gymboree, we headed back to Sears, where we came in. Reiss played on the tractors and Milla ran around the lawn furniture. I chased her for a little while and she just thought that was loads of fun and giggled the whole way. I then plopped down into one of the chairs and my goodness, was it ever comfy!

We left Sears and the next stop on the agenda was to go to Gander Mtn. This morning I had this brilliant idea to go to an "outdoors" kind of store like Gander Mtn. or Dick's Sporting Goods and let Reiss and Milla play in the tents. Well, it seemed like a brilliant idea until we got there and there was only one tent set up. The rest of the floor models were displayed up high on the walls. Oh well. We also went and looked at the live bait, as in, minnows. Reiss really likes fish so this was pretty neat for him. My other reason for going there was to hunt down a stainless steel tiffin set for Reiss to take snacks to preschool and lunch to Parent's Day Out. That was a bust and I figured it would be so back to shopping online for that.

After all that, it was home for a nap for Milla and that brings us up to now....Off to make dinner: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Gotta get in some comfort food before I have to be good again and continue eating low-carb starting tomorrow. I cheat on weekends and although I still stick to GFCF and all my other rules, I eat considerably more carbs on the weekends. As long as I am good during the week and naughty on the weekends and the weight keeps falling off...why be good? >:)

FINALLY Friday!!!

There is a quote that goes something like "Any day I wake up alive is a good day." I don't know if those are the exact words and I don't know who said it but I am certain that person was not living his or her life as the parent of a special needs child. Today is not a good day and right now I would rather just go back to bed and sleep for about three days. But alas, I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in over four years, much less spend days in bed.

Our morning started out with Reiss telling me approximately 1637 times that he wanted to leave for playgroup. It wasn't time to go yet and that wasn't satisfying him. When we did finally go to playgroup, he harassed every child there, some of them more than one time. He got a break (this is just Reiss's name for a timeout but again, for some reason, he gets bent out of shape if we call it a timeout) after being told two times not to do whatever he was doing (it was different with each child) and then given a final warning. After his break, he continued going from child to child doing various different things: shoving toys in faces, slapping hands, pushing, putting his arms tightly around the other child, taking toys from others, squeezing their hands as hard as he could, you name it.

Before Daddy left for work this morning Reiss was given the usual talk about the behavior that was expected of him at playgroup. He and I had the same talk on the way to playgroup with an additional warning: If he acted up at playgroup, we would leave and he would not get to go see Daddy and take him something to eat at lunchtime. Well, here it is - a time at which we are normally at Daddy's office on Fridays - and we are at home. So you guessed it, Reiss did not heed either of the behavior talks and we came home without taking Daddy lunch. We ate lunch at home. Well, we didn't really eat lunch but that explanation is to come.

The playgroup we go to on Friday mornings is actually called a Share Group and it's a few women - all with young children - who get together and in between all of the chaos of the children playing around us, we have a little bit of Christian fellowship. Most of the moms can generally let their children play and they sit and talk with one another. In the years I have been going, I have only occasionally gotten to sit and talk while most of the time I have to get up about every 14 seconds to get Reiss back in line. As with the library playgroup we used to attend, it's getting old chasing him around and not getting to enjoy the same break that the other moms get. If it sounds like I'm complaining, call it what you want, but seriously, I would just like a break every once in awhile. I'm tired of having to spend my life getting up every few seconds because no form of discipline seems to be effective at getting Reiss to behave and do as he is told. I'm tired of being THAT parent out in public.

ANYway.....

We came home because not getting to go see Daddy was Reiss's punishment for not behaving at playgroup. Reiss waited until exactly four seconds after I sat down and had gotten situated with Milla breastfeeding to tell me he wanted something to eat. I told him I would get him something in just a few minutes and OF COURSE, this prompted a tantrum. I was just over it. Normally, there is nothing more effective at getting me to move quickly than having to listen to one of my children cry, but I was just over it. Let him throw his fit. It wasn't even 11AM yet and I was exhausted.

Milla got done breastfeeding. I got up and made lunch. Milla wasn't very hungry - obviously - since she had just nursed for a few minutes. She started throwing her strawberries (actually just single strawberry, but cut up into pieces) on the floor. Reiss thinks he has to do everything she does so then he started. Another warning about throwing food on the floor. I took her food since she obviously only wanted to play. Reiss continued throwing his food everywhere. Come on! This is an almost-four-year-old! An 18-month-old throwing food is somewhat expected, especially when said child is not hungry, but a 4-year-old throwing food is just plain unacceptable. He had only eaten about three or four bites of his lunch when his food throwing started, and since I was over that too, I took his lunch away. Now, under normal circumstances, I don't believe in depriving a child food as punishment but when nothing else has worked today and I'm at my wits end, that's what it has come to.

It's finally Friday, but right now it just feels like Hell. Mommy needs a nap.

Why It REALLY Is So Difficult...

Like most children with autism, when in a group of children, Reiss is indistinguishable from other typical* children. One would not know Reiss has autism simply by looking at him. I don't know what people expect to see but you would be surprised how many times I've heard the comment, "Well, he doesn't look autistic." To which, I want to reply, "What does autistic look like?" But, of course, I don't.

In recent weeks and months, I have had several conversations with different individuals regarding the aspects surrounding Reiss' autism and the things that make him different from other children. Usually when people find out out his diagnosis, they have a lot of questions. Having others be inquisitive is preferable to them being judgmental any day of the week. I even tell people that I would rather they ask me questions and admit to their ignorance than to judge me and look stupid. Often this gets a little laugh out of them and loosens them up to not feeling so awkward while asking me their questions.

Between the conversations I've had and some of the looks I get from people when we are out, it has made me want to do a post like this for quite some time now. It is not meant to make people feel sorry for us or to make others feel badly for asking questions. It is meant solely to provide a better understanding of why it really is so much more difficult for parents of children with autism. This is also not meant to be directed at any one individual. If you are reading this and thinking I'm writing it because of a recent conversation you and I have had, please understand that this is something I have wanted to do for months - even before I began blogging.

It has been on my mind for a long time to sit down and write out the things that frustrate me and why I feel autism is so misunderstood and underestimated. It's almost like a longing to want to have a piece of paper - a crib sheet, per se - to give to people so they can see that when you simply look at Reiss and see a sweet little boy, that there is actually much more behind that little face and why parenting has been such a long road and difficult journey for my husband, me, and many other parents of autistic children.

With that, let me start at the beginning, back nearly four years ago...

Reiss was born in the summer of 2005. Other than being delivered by c-section because he was in a nearly-impossible-to-turn breech position, his birth was pretty normal. I didn't know what it meant at the time, but in the hospital at only a few hours old, the nurses informed - or perhaps I should say warned - my husband and me that "This one's gonna be a handful."

After leaving the hospital, like all babies, Reiss always wanted to get up to feed several times per night. At a few months old, we tried the "Babywise" method of getting him on a schedule of eating and sleeping. Not being one to tolerate letting a baby cry it out and eventually coming to the conclusion that it's not the method God intended, we ditched the Babywise method and never looked back. These days I warn any new mother against this method but all new parents have to do what works for them, I suppose. Personally, I believe it's about what's best for the baby and not me, but maybe that's just me.

At eight months old, Reiss had still never slept through the night and was literally waking up some nights as often as every 15 - 45 minutes. When I say it's not about what's best for me, I sincerely mean it, but by this time I thought I was either going to die from lack of sleep, go crazy, go on a shooting spree to let out some frustration, or all three. Something had to be done and that is when we decided to let Reiss co-sleep with us.

Other than the sleeping issues, Reiss seemed to be developing fine. He crawled at around eight months, walked at thirteen months, had several words in his vocabulary, ate a varied diet, and was pretty well on target with his milestones. The only thing that stood out - and only to his doctor, not us - was that he was only in the 5-10 percentile on his weight. The lactation consultants at the hospital where I attended a weekly breastfeeding support group assured me that he was fine on his weight. They went on further to add that most doctors get their baby growth charts as promotional items from baby formula consultants visiting their offices and that formula-fed babies generally tend to gain more quickly than breastfed babies. Either way, we didn't mind. He was gaining weight regularly so we didn't think it was a big deal.

At just before thirteen months, Reiss received his one-year vaccinations. Not long after that, we began to see some changes. Reiss seemed to be developing at a much slower pace than before. He started losing some of the words he had previously said. He used to do the cutest thing where he would excitedly say "awesome" and do a little fist pump into the air. He stopped doing it. He stopped dancing whenever he heard music. He didn't seem as coordinated as he once had been. As time went on, we kept noticing things here and there that just didn't seem right but parents of older children assured us that children develop at their own pace and Reiss seemed "normal." Unfortunately, we didn't listen to the one and only person who told us that we should call First Steps if we had concerns. After all, why should we have? Everyone else assured us Reiss was just like other children.

Fast forward to last year around this time. Reiss was closing in on three years old and by then, we were pretty sure Reiss had some developmental, behavioral, and speech delays so I called First Steps. Although I had read a lot about autism and knew Reiss exhibited some of the symptoms, it was the farthest thing from our minds. After all, a lot of typical children do many things that are categorized as symptoms of autism but they don't have autism - they're just doing things children do.

Because Reiss was so close to turning three and First Steps only deals with children up to the age of three, we were told to call the public school system. We did. In the meantime, we began seeking help on the medical front and I am not even going to explain all that but suffice it to say that Reiss was diagnosed with only one appointment. That was in December and the demand for help with autistic children on the medical front is so high that Reiss doesn't even have his second appointment until May! Seriously....no wonder parents of autistic children are so frustrated. Back to the public school system...misplaced paperwork, Summer Break, refiling the paperwork, jumping through an uncountable number of hoops, and having an evaluation later, Reiss was finally placed in developmental preschool in January of this year.

We have also begun using DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) protocol in seeking medical help and Reiss has his first appointment with a DAN! provider this month! Because there are only five DAN! providers in the entire state of Indiana, we were going to have to wait until October to see one of the other providers whose schedule is booked up nearly a year in advance. However, the appointment we have is with a doctor who is new to the DAN! approach to autism and his schedule is - thank God! - not yet booked for months in advance.

That is pretty much the story of how we came to where we are now. As for addressing the issue of why things are so difficult, here is a list of things we face on a daily basis:

Reiss will be four years old in about three months. In his nearly four years of life, he has never technically slept through the night. If you count the medical definition of "sleeping through the night," which is (last time I checked) sleeping for six hours straight without waking, Reiss has done that less than a handful of times.

Imagine a child who not only does not respond to traditional disciplinary methods, but in many ways, does not even understand that the method is meant to be discipline or that he has done something wrong. That is Reiss. Timeouts have never been an effective means of discipline for Reiss. Taking things away rarely means anything to him because autistic children typically don't place a value on objects or others' feelings.

Reiss has severe impulse control issues. He cannot resist doing things even in the occasional instance when he knows what he is about to do is wrong.

Watching television is not something Reiss does. No parent wants their child to obsess over watching tv but having the freedom to plop a child down to watch an Elmo video for even five minutes would be nice. I don't have that freedom or that luxury. Reiss simply does not watch tv.

Self-entertaining is a challenge, to say the least, for Reiss. It's not that he never does it, it's just very rare. My days - when Reiss is not napping like right now - and my husband's evenings are consumed almost entirely with taking care of Reiss, keeping him entertained, and making sure he is not hurting his sister...which brings me to the next thing.

Along the lines of Reiss having impulse control issues, he is obsessed with trying to hurt his sister. There are many times when he plays very nicely with her. However, there are many more times when he cannot be left in a room with her without hearing her scream and my husband or I returning to the room to see him lying on top of Milla, pulling her hair, stepping on her arm, squeezing her head, or a variety of other things he likes to do.

Reiss is very fortunate in the speech department as far as autistic children go, in that he now has a very wide vocabulary. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to use it properly in a lot of situations. He cannot carry on a simple conversation that a typical child his age could. Yes/No questions are usually met with a blank stare or repeating the question (echolalia) back to us. He cannot express simple wants and needs to us many times. It is only in recent months that he has - and not regularly - begun to tell us when he is hungry.

Reiss lacks social skills. If a group of children are playing, most often he is off to the side doing something entirely different. He would never walk up to another child and ask if they want to play because he not only lacks the social knowledge to do so, he couldn't care less the other child is even present.

Tantrums....oh, where do I begin? Let's just say everything is met with a tantrum. Since beginning all our diet restrictions, we have noticed a difference in the number of tantrums but Reiss still has way more tantrums than a typical child his age. His tantrums originate over literally anything. One might be over the color of shirt I've decided to wear on a particular day. Another may evolve because his food was cut up and we can't "put it back together." He has always had an obsession with his shoes to a point where he even wore them to bed for a long time. Asking him to take off his shoes is quite often met with a meltdown. The tantrum we face most often is when he starts crying and his face gets wet from the tears. He doesn't like his face being wet so he wipes it on his shirt...then his shirt is wet and then more crying because he doesn't like that either. And it's a vicious circle that's like chasing your tail because he doesn't grasp the concept that if he would stop crying, there would be nothing to get his face and shirt wet.

Reiss lacks coordination. We can show him the simplest of moves and he cannot duplicate them a lot of times...things that Milla can.

Sitting still is non-existant for Reiss. Besides eating such a strict diet, this is another reason why it is next to impossible to take Reiss to a restaurant. It is also nearly impossible to take Reiss places on my own without help from my husband because Reiss runs away and is gone in a flash. Putting him in the stroller doesn't solve the problem because he knows how to get out of the seatbelt. Putting the "leash" on him no longer works because he has a never-ending meltdown at the mention of it. Disciplining him for running doesn't work because, again, traditional discipline does not work with him and we have yet to find the magic method that not only works for him, but makes him learn not to do whatever he is being punished for again in the future.

Things have to be "just so" for Reiss. I will give credit where credit is due. Reiss has gotten much better at handling things that change but it used to be that if he was playing with say, the blue truck, and had left it and came back to find it moved - even a fraction of an inch - it was cause for an all-out meltdown.

Now I know a lot of these things sound like typical four-year-old behavior. And I've even had people tell me, in not so many words, that I should try to keep my frustrations at bay a little better because whatever Reiss is doing at that very moment is just him being a four-year-old. However, what those people don't see is that I have not only had to deal with whatever is going on at that moment, but all the other stuff that goes on constantly. When I have to "put out a fire" practically every waking moment of every waking day of my life, when sitting down for more than thirty seconds at a stretch is a complete luxury, when I feel trapped because I love my child so much but just wish he would be "normal," when I have to worry that my child may never have friends (this is the absolute worst and breaks my heart), when I hear other parents complaining about how poorly their children does this or that and know that my child may NEVER do it at all, ever....it grates on me. And that is why it really is so difficult having a child with autism.



*I have explained this on many occasions but feel it necessary to repeat: "Typical" is the politically correct term used for referring to children who do not have autism or other disabilities. It is not meant to be derogatory and I am not the one who declared it to be the term to use. This term is used in every piece of autism-related piece of literature I have come across.