Do NOT Google "Wart"

And especially not on Google Images. Just consider yourself warned.

I was getting ready to make dinner and since I have a child-free moment of spare time (something that is next to non-existent in these parts), I thought perhaps it might be a good idea to see if I could find anything in Google Images that looks similar to the annoying, but not disgusting tiny little growth on the big toe of my left foot. Dinner is not sounding so good now. And no, I did not find anything even remotely close to what now seems like a harmless little spot on my toe.

Aside from that moment of near nausea, today has been an awesome day. The only thing that could make it just a little more ideal is if the temperature outside would rise about ten degrees and those pesky clouds would quit hiding the sun. Otherwise, I couldn't be happier, as I have accomplished absolutely nothing today.

This morning I got up and made the mix for the pancake batter for our regular Pancake Saturday tradition. We ate breakfast and then I went back to bed until 11:30. After showering, I went and got some lunch and then we all headed outside, not to return inside for close to three hours. It was pure relaxation.

The house is a pit and the laundry is two days behind. None of the beds are made. The bathroom towel sits unhung on the sink counter and the soap pump is broken (thank you, Milla) and the step stool is in its usual in-the-way place right in front of the sink. In the kitchen, three days worth of stainless steel water bottles await their washing as they sit on countertops that have not been wiped since breakfast this morning. A blood and urine test kit sits atop a pile of papers that need to be sorted. There are papers and books and toys and dolls and trucks and teasets and balls and blocks and every imaginable other type of clutter cluttering up the living room and play room but by golly, this has been nothing less than a fabulous day.

Now if I can get some heat, I'll call it perfect.

Our Sunday BEST: A Revelation

For nearly five years in our house, every Saturday morning, without fail, we have had Pancake Saturday. In that time, I cannot recall a single Saturday when we have not made pancakes and we always make them from scratch.

For several months now, we have also eaten the same thing almost every Sunday morning as the previous Sunday morning and it was just this afternoon when I had a revelation. The acronym for our bacon, eggs, smoothies, and toast we eat on Sundays spells out the word "BEST." So from this day forward, our weekend breakfasts will consist of Pancake Saturday and our Sunday BEST.

Yes, I will admit I have some oddities. It's okay - I'm fine with owning up to those oddities.

By the way, I was going to wish you all a Happy Father's Day but with it being 12:22 AM on Monday morning, it looks like I am a little late to the punch. Hope it was a good one!

For our Father's Day.......

--- I called my own father and wished him a happy birthday and a happy Father's Day. My dad's birthday falls on the same date every year (one would hope so, right?) and some years that happens to be on Father's Day. This year was one of those years.

--- Reiss gave James a "hot glove" (that is a Reiss-ism for what others might call an oven mitt) he made at his ABA social group. It says, "Hands down, you're the greatest dad! Happy Father's Day!" Reiss wrapped it in some paper with the ends still open and set it on his and Milla's toy kitchen. He then waited to give it to James this morning. Too bad he already told Daddy two days ago what he was going to give him. Nonetheless, James reacted with surprise and excitement today when given his gift.

--- We went for a short road trip to Bloomington, a city approximately 45 minutes away from our home. We went to see two sets of aunts and uncles on my mother's side of the family who are currently in town for "mini-college," a week's worth of informational seminars on various topics at Indiana University. One set of relatives are in from Albuquerque, New Mexico and the other calls Clover, South Carolina home. It was really great to see them and unfortunately, we do not see them enough. I know they were disappointed that we could not go have dinner with them but Reiss and Milla were going downhill fast after already having visited for two hours and we are only just now beginning to get a hold on the whole dining-out-with-a-child-who-cannot-sit-still-for-five-minutes-let-alone-an-hour-or-more kind of thing, so long story short, we bid our good-byes and headed for home. They all went out for Indian cuisine and we came home to chicken satay with 100% buckwheat soba noodles and peas. The grilled chicken and peas were leftover from last night's dinner leaving me with only having to cook the soba noodles - for seven minutes, not eight like the package directs. I learned that little tidbit from Kelly over at The Spunky Coconut.

--- Before the visiting with the relatives, we went and bought a cooler and a bunch of ice at the superstore where I do some of our grocery shopping so that we could take it with us to go to another kind of grocery - a natural foods market. The irony that I was buying a cooler at one grocery store so that I could shop at another almost makes me laugh out loud. Actually, I would let out a good chuckle if it weren't for the fact that my children sometimes seem to sleep as light as special forces military personnel.

After purchasing the cooler, we set out on our little roadtrip and then to Bloomingfoods once we arrived in Bloomington. Peppadew peppers, maple sugar, 240 Sweet artisan marshmallows, and Himala Salt were just a few of the wonderful little treats I picked up while there. I have not found Peppadew peppers anywhere locally. Perhaps I could find them and any of the other items if I were to go to Whole Foods but that is a bit of a drive from us as well. The Himala Salt is easy enough to find at my usual health food stores but neither carries the large rock crystals for grinding.

Bloomingfoods was a nice little diversion and I will admit that I'm just plain giddy with my artisan marshmallows and Peppadew peppers (I bought both the red and yellow variety!) but the produce at Bloomingfoods was a bit pricier than I'm used to paying. For example, their organic bananas were $.99/lb. I am accustomed to paying $.69 or $.79 per pound at regular price or $.29-$.49 per pound when they are getting overripe and are marked down.

--- And finally, I was reminded that, on this day one year ago, Reiss had his first seizure.

These Seizures Are Going To Give Me A Stroke

Reiss creating a masterpiece for "Make Your Own Pizza Night" this past Friday evening....

Because I am a slacker blogger and have not bothered to write anything in nearly two weeks, "Which seizures?" you might ask.

Well, there was the seizure Reiss had last June that we thought certain was triggered by an antibiotic he was on at the time. Long story...He had started an antibiotic, had a seizure within twenty-four hours of the first dose, so we ceased the dosing and began looking around online for information regarding the antibiotic. Come to find out - and this was confirmed by a real live doc, not just online information - that particular antibiotic has a high seizure incident rate in the general population.

For those who are not aware, autistic children have a thirty percent (actually, I've seen varying estimates on this but for the sake of this post, I'll go with the percentage I've seen most often) higher chance of having a first-time seizure than a typical child. So why, oh why, would a doctor prescribe a medication that already has a high seizure rate in neurotypical people to a child with autism?

That is not what this post is about though, so I will go ahead and move on now. Oh wait, no, I won't. Not before mentioning that we no longer see that doctor.

And then there was the second seizure. Fast forward to this past Monday and Reiss had another seizure. This one did not come on nearly as quickly as the first one. With the first one, Reiss went from zoning out to being unconscious in a matter of ten minutes or less. With this one, he began zoning out and it was so mild that I wasn't even certain he was having a seizure. Many of his symptoms - strange noises with his tongue (only in the beginning), belly gurgling, eyes and head going off to one side, limp body - were the same both times, but the duration of the individual seizures varied greatly. This seizure went on for around forty-five minutes before our doctor ordered us to administer the anti-seizure medication.

Through all of this particular seizure, I was particularly calm to a point that it even surprised me. So the title of this blog post isn't entirely accurate but who knows maybe I was frantic on the inside.....I did catch my hand shaking at one point, but otherwise, I think my unconscious mind was sending messages to my conscious mind telling it to keep things in order.

Reiss's first seizure meant a trip to the hospital and an overnight stay. After first arriving at the hospital and a little ways into the hospital staff treating Reiss with Valium, an antibiotic, and something else that I cannot recall at the moment, James and I got treated to an interesting interaction between two of the hospital employees. They were arguing over the correct dosage amount and one was accusing the other of administering too high a dosage.

Um...hello???? Our son is convulsing on the table (which, by the way, he only began doing after they began pumping him full of God knows what) and I am sitting there a crying, blithering idiot mess of a mom. Do you really think arguing over the dose amount is something you should do in front of a parent who thinks their child may die right in front of their very eyes?? And to give said parent more fuel for the fire of her insanity in that maybe you aided in her child's death by overdosing?

Obviously, Reiss did not die but one can see where I would hesitate to take him to the hospital in the event another seizure should occur, which it did, or I would not be writing this right now. Needless to say, I was a bit reluctant to call an ambulance this time.

And guess what???

Reiss took almost two days to fully recover from his seizure and all the medications he was pumped full of last time during his care with "professionals."

His recovery time for this seizure?

Two hours. Two hours after I injected the Diastat suppository in him, Reiss was up and running around - more actively than I would have preferred, as a matter of fact. Monday evening, he seemed a little tired but Tuesday morning he was back to his usual hundred-miles-a-minute self.

I know some people will call it a coincidence that Reiss recovered so much more quickly with this seizure and they can be wrong if they want to be are welcome to their opinions. However, I truly believe Reiss recovered so soon afterward because he did not receive all the medications this time that he did last June.

It is times like these that I actually wish my family's life could be under a little microscope for doctors to observe. To see that more medications do not necessarily mean better medical care. That the body can help itself with less intervention. But that won't happen as long as there are pharmaceutical reps making themselves permanent fixtures in doctors' waiting rooms and......

Blah, blah, blah....I'm officially rambling and the pharmaceutical argument is not one I plan to revisit today.

Reiss is fine. All week long, he has played just like nothing extraordinarily out-of-the-ordinary happened earlier this week. He is back to challenging James and me when we tell him to do something and seeing what he can get away with and bossing Milla around and arguing with her and taking toys from her and crying when she instigates something herself. He made it through one full week this week with no #2 accidents in his pants. Yesterday, we visited a bounce place as a reward. He helped make pancakes yesterday on Pancake Saturday, just as he has done every single Saturday for almost four years now. This afternoon, as I did make-ahead prep work of cutting veggies and mixing sauce ingredients for our dinner, Reiss made certain I was aware - by telling me no less than thirty times - that he does not like Orange Chicken (that he apparently has forgotten that he eats the heck out of every single time we have it for dinner). As I write this, Reiss is "helping" change flood lights outside by holding the ladder for James. Hopefully, "holding the ladder" does not mean tipping the ladder and a dreaded visit to the hospital.

Yes, things are back to normal. Life is good.............

Because ONE Day Would Just Be Too Much To Ask....

I admit it. I envy parents of typical children. I envy how seemingly easy it is for most of them to just pack up the kids, pack up the car, and go out for a day of fun. I envy how they can think nothing of going to a movie their child has wanted to see or a restaurant for a special family dinner or heck, even just to the post office to mail a package.

I feel like my family's life is all about just wanting ONE day of knowing what it's like to have typical children. One day where we don't have to deal with autism. One day where I can look back at the end of the day and think "Wow, this must be what it's like to be a regular family." But apparently, one day like that is just too much to ask because I'm still waiting for it.

Packing up the kids and packing up the car for a day of fun (and I use the term "fun" very loosely because most of these outings for us consist mainly of chaos control and tantrum prevention) does not happen very often for us. Doing so means packing up food that fits our specialized diet, making sure we have enough clothes changes should we have any "accidents" with a child who would probably be potty-trained by this age, if he was a neurotypical. Don't get me wrong...I know it's not his fault he has autism and I do know we are lucky that he is "mostly" potty-trained, considering I have friends whose children with autism are seven, eight, nine years old and older who still wear diapers.

My kids do not watch tv so going to a movie is out of the question. It's not that we do not allow tv viewing in our home, they simply have no interest and no attention span to sit still for watching tv. Ask a typical child who their favorite cartoon character is and immediately they will spout off some silly Disney or Nickelodeon character. Ask my children who their favorite cartoon characters are and they will stare blankly, not even knowing what you're talking about.

Going to a restaurant? Ha! First of all, my children can't eat most of what is served in restaurants and again, there's the won't-sit-still factor. We could take our own food but then we have to talk to the manager of the restaurant. Then there's dealing with Reiss who has that wonderful aspect of autism that involves rigidity to sameness (although he uses this selectively, as you'll read later about fits involving me and giving him what I think he wants at the time) gets bent out of shape if his plate looks any different than Daddy's plate, so James can't really eat the food offered in the restaurant either unless we sit there with the whole restaurant patronage looking at us while our child throws a fit.

Going to the post office isn't impossible but it's no walk in the park. Typically, I try to do this, when needed, when Reiss is in preschool. Until about two months ago, Reiss hadn't even been in a post office for almost two years. I simply didn't want to deal with it.

Am I complaining? Yes, actually, I am and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not blaming anyone or blaming my child but yes, I am complaining. I get tired of all the challenges of autism and how it invades every aspect of our entire lives. Although I don't really pay attention anymore to the stares out in public, I do still get tired of them.

I get tired of every single day, nearly every waking moment being a challenge.

I am tired of politicians in high places cutting funds for services (i.e respite care....can I get a "Hell, yeah!" from those of you who know what I'm talking about???) families like mine desperately need and then offloading billions to people who have entered my country illegally. Yeah, I said it!

I am tired of trying what all the behavior "experts" whose clients are parents of typical children say to do for behavior modification and it not working with my child. I wish all these "experts" would walk a day in my shoes and understand that their Supernanny methods, 1-2-3 Magic, positive reinforcement, giving choices, and just about everything else imaginable doesn't always work with children with autism the way they swear it does with typical children. While all those are good methods and we have had limited success with each of them, the fact still remains that children like mine are wired differently. It's not just me saying this - it truly is a fact. Even my child's own preschool teacher understands that none of these methods will work consistently and for very long with a child with autism. So why don't these professionals who are getting paid multiple times more than her seem to get that?

I get tired of being judged for everything - how I handle situations with my children, the way I feed them, the treatments I choose to work towards recovering my children from autism, and on and on and on. Just this morning I was speaking with another mom of two boys with autism who told me her extended family swears that her sons' improvements towards recovery have nothing to do with the biomedical treatments (that are, coincidentally, very similar to the ones we use) she has been doing, but rather, her sons are simply "outgrowing" their autism. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry because we - my husband and I - have both heard things along the same lines.....

"Oh, it looks like Reiss is really starting to outgrow this..."

and

"Just give it a few years and he'll outgrow it."

I am tired of nearly every encounter with my child being a struggle. Reiss may want his pancake cut up today and then throw a ten-minute tantrum tomorrow because I cut it up. This evening I may give him a fork at dinner and then have to listen to him have a meltdown about "Why'd ya' give me a fork, Mommy?" when just yesterday he wondered why I didn't give him a fork. It's like no matter what I do, I have to think about my actions before doing them and recall what it was that made Reiss happy in the same situation ten minutes ago or this morning or yesterday and then recreate whatever made him happy, only to be met with a tantrum because this time he wanted it differently......again. Ignorant people call this being bratty. In my children, it's autism.

Yes, I'm complaining. And yes, I hate autism. And yes, I hate living in a world that's not made for people like me or my children. And yes, I am having a bad day. Yes, I would love to be one of those mothers of children with autism who just puts on a happy face all the time but that's not me. And honestly, I have a feeling that it's not really how those moms feel either......they just save their unhappiness for more private moments. I don't know of a single mom who will say they love autism or the challenges it creates.

I'm done....that's all, folks. Back to the grind and tantrums and challenges and endless paperwork for services for my children and therapies and phone calls to therapists and finding a babysitter who truly "gets" it and finding that magic combo that will save me my sanity improve my child's well-being.....

If You Don't Like Our Pancake Recipe.....

Blame Living Without magazine!

Seriously, I know the recipe we use is not for everyone and if it's not your cup of tea, you might try Ginger Lemon Girl's recipe for pancakes that she recently posted. The recipe is gluten-free, casein-free, soy-free, and vegan. Judging by the photo, the pancakes this recipe makes look very tasty....BUT beware if you or a member of your family cannot eat yeast.

Blech Friday!!!!

Call me a scrooge, but I do not do Black Friday.

Driving and driving around just to find a parking space, mass throngs of people (some of them behaving, while others only behaving badly) crowding into stores and all wanting to buy the same items, and a bunch of stuff that just takes up space in one's house, for what? A better deal? No thanks! I'll do my shopping from the clearance racks throughout the year where most of the deals I get are better than the Black Friday sale prices, anyway. And most of the time, I don't have to worry about my life or those of my children being in danger of being lost due to a cattle stampede of a bunch of crazies trying to get the latest dancing Elmo figure at a rock-bottom price.

So there it is....some people call it Black Friday. I call it Blech Friday.

I'm not totally against going out the day after Thanksgiving though. We did go out today for some fast lunch from a drive-thru and also to pick up a few items from the health food store. With the exception of our own dish, we did not bring home any leftovers yesterday from my mother-in-law's house. We left here to go to her house with collard greens and came home with almost the same amount we left with - I have never had the same tastes in food as my husband's family but oh well, more for me!

A bit after lunch today, we went back out to go to the health food store. It was one of those go-in-with-a-list-of-three-items-and-come-out-with-two-bags kind of trips. We needed sorghum flour because Saturdays are, of course, Pancake Saturday at our house and we ran out of sorghum flour last Saturday using up the last half-cup in our favorite GFCF pancake recipe.

On the way to the health food store, we witnessed the mass chaos at the mall, which is less than five minutes from our home. Cars were spilling out of the parking lot at the mall, with people even parking in the grass just to make a space. I don't know.....I just don't get it. I know some people will read this and think, "But have you seen the Black Friday ads?" Yes, I've seen them. I still think I get better deals on things throughout the year by shopping clearance racks and by combining sales with store coupons. But whatever. To each his own.

Geez, I'm doing it again. I keep meaning to get to this part about an accident we saw while we were driving to the health food store. By the way, am I the only one who has noticed over the years car accidents have gone from being called "accidents" to "crashes?" When I think of the word "crash," I think of a plane falling from the sky. Two cars or more plowing into one another makes me think "accident" or "wreck" - not "crash."

Anywaaaaaay, so we were on the way to the health food store to get sorghum flour and two other items and I'm driving along telling James something probably of little importance when I hear this really loud noise. I thought it was behind us but it ends up that it was in front of us. A red Ford pickup truck had run smack into the back of a Mercedes SUV. Then I was trying to get around it and someone almost ran into me. What a mess. I wonder what that guy in the truck was doing to run right into the person in front of him. He must have been distracted in some way as this was no small bumper to bumper tap. I hope all of them were okay but we weren't about to stop and cause an even larger disturbance to other drivers, especially since our children were in our vehicle.

Milla "shopping" on Black Friday morning. I tried to tell her most stores have a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" policy but she wasn't having any part of abiding by the rules.


The mess pictured above is what our bedroom looks like right now while we are remodeling the bathroom. Oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned that yes, we are still remodeling our bathroom. Actually, I fired the guy doing the work one week ago today. I'm not going to get started on that in this post but suffice it to say a bathroom should not take three months to do and I should not have to be the one to tell someone when something is not right. But, that is another post.

Reiss dorking around in the hallway while I was chasing him and Milla around with the camera this morning.....

Leftover Pancakes

You just never know when a photo op is going to present itself and this morning's breakfast proved exactly that point. Luckily, I keep the camera hanging in a designated location...well, the idea is that it is supposed to be in that location anyway. Most of the time it's even in there waiting to be used.

Both monkeys looking too darn cute. Notice the sink full of dirty dishes? That seems to be the rule rather than the exception around here lately. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I am burned out on rinsing dishes, loading the dishwasher, putting the dishes away, rinsing dishes, loading the dishwasher.....and on and on and on and on. My Crackville addiction probably has nothing to do with it either.

Apparently, eating leftover pancakes is something to jump for joy over....

Open wide.....

Cry Me A River!

Yep! That's what I'm gonna do. There's already a river flowing in our yard from all the rain we have had today so I might as well add to it with my tears.

Disclaimer: This is going to be a whiney, self-pity party kind of post and it's MY bloggy so I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to......Consider yourself warned. If you're not up for what is to come, I suggest you leave now.

Today is the Fourth of July. It is supposed to be sunny outside with the air full of the aroma of backyard barbecues. But is it? NO! It's been gloomy all day and raining for the last seven hours straight.

Although it was cloudy outside, my day started out pretty decently with our traditional Saturday morning routine of James and Reiss making pancakes for Pancake Saturday. We are now using this recipe and it comes closest to the texture of regular (as opposed to gluten-free, casein-free) pancakes as any other GFCF pancake recipe I have found. Word of warning to anyone who tries it: the pancakes soak up the maple syrup and easily become very saturated. I've noticed we use a lot more syrup with these pancakes than we have in the past, so if you're trying to watch sugars (including natural ones), this may not be the recipe for you.

After breakfast, I was able to get more cleaning done than typical Saturday mornings. James and Reiss always go to the bank on Saturday mornings and regardless of the fact that it is closed today, they went today as well. Hey, the less straying Reiss has from his routine, the better. They were gone for a little while and then soon came home. Then a friend called and that's when things started to go downhill.

The kids came in where I was talking on the phone and Reiss grabbed the phone headset (we have a cordless headset to wear for hands-free operation) and then Milla started screaming about who-knows-what and then James came and got them and took them out of the room and started slamming doors, to which I got off the phone and asked him about, and then we had a little tiff, and blah, blah, blah.

We all got ready to leave and we didn't get to eat our normal Saturday Chinese lunch because - surprisingly - the place we go to every week was closed for the Fourth of July. We went and got lunch from somewhere else and, as usual and I hate to admit, Milla could not sit in the highchair for more than five or ten minutes without screaming. Another thing that grates on me.....

Now, if you ask my dad or my step-mom or my mother-in-law or probably anyone over the age of fifty or heck, for all I know, anyone who has had a child who didn't mind sitting in a highchair, I am sure they will all say to just make the child sit in the chair and they will get used to it. Well, that's all fine and good when we are at home but the problem we have here is that a) we were in public and I refuse to be "that" family who everyone stares at because the child is left to scream endlessly and b) Milla is a puker. Yes, I was "blessed" with having a child who, when she reaches a certain point in her mood of upset, will begin to blow chunks on everything and everyone around her because she is not only a vomiter, but a projectile vomiter. And seriously, if you're out to eat, is that really something you want to watch from a child at a neighboring table after being subjected to five minutes of crying because the parents were forcing her to "get used to" the highchair?

After lunch, we left and went to a party of some friends on a neighboring street from our home. We knew there would be food there but we ate lunch out anyway, because the kids were starving and frankly, so were James and I.

The party was meant to be a pool/birthday/Fourth of July party. Again, it's been raining here all day, so no swimming. The kids would not stay with the other kids and play. Milla's very young so I don't expect it a whole lot from her. Reiss, on the other hand, is always so far up in mine or my husband's rears, I sometimes wonder if he even understands other children do exist.

Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, yes, I know that anti-social behavior is a symptom of autism and I should know this and be used to it and blah, blah, blah....easy for parents to say when they don't live with a child with autism and don't have to deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly of it every day. These habits and symptoms are relentless. Typical children are much more easily encouraged into cooperation. However, one cannot simply turn off autism. I wish I could but it doesn't work like that.

I knew, knew, knew I should have gotten someone to watch the kids so that James and I could go and have a good time and be social but did I listen to that inner voice? No. We spent an hour with Milla hanging on me and then going to one of the nieces (who Milla is familiar with) and being semi-comforted and Reiss hanging on James the whole time.

I just sometimes feel like we have no social life. I didn't get someone to watch the kids today because I was counting on sun, fun, and swimming. Had the freaking sun come out, there would have been our friends' nieces swimming and helping Reiss and Milla and James and I could have relaxed. But noooooo, Indiana weather can never cooperate with the holidays. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that it also rained on the last holiday weekend (Memorial Day) as well.

Even our friends who were having the party have two sons with autism and their children aren't all "up in them" like Reiss is with us all the time. One of their sons is totally anti-social but rather than need to be attached to a parent all the time, he prefers to stay in his room much of the time. The other is somewhat anti-social but will at least sit in social settings, even if he doesn't interact with others.

It just gets so exhausting sometimes when you have a child who refuses to self-entertain. When Reiss is left to his own devices with me during the day if I am say, loading the dishwasher or whatever, his version of self-entertaining entails lying on top of Milla and squashing her or somehow hurting her in other ways. Or he will go tear something apart or be destructive. Gaahhh!!! Sometimes I just look at him and yearn for that little boy who used to push the laundry basket around and "help" me do the laundry, even when "helping" meant cleaning up two loads of clean laundry he had scattered all over the floor. At least then it was sweet and not mean-spirited. Now he refuses to help with the laundry and prefers to entertain himself by hurting someone or something.

Okay, I'm done whining. I have saved many of the details of this latest bout of depression because it's just too depressing to put words to the screen, not to mention, the fear of having you all think I'm just plain nuts. Thankfully, I do know there are a few of you out there reading who have children with autism and know exactly the kind of day I'm having (BTW, thank you for all your encouraging comments and email messages!!!). That's not to say I don't appreciate those people who have typical children who come here and read my ramblings, it's just that I know it's very difficult to walk in another's shoes when you've never been there yourself.

Blah, blah, blobbity, blah.....Here's to hoping tomorrow really is sunny - literally and figuratively.

What a Whirlwind of a Weekend!

Happy Birthday to Reiss!!!
He is four years old today.

This past weekend came and went and happened nothing at all like I had envisioned it would in the weeks leading up to it. Well, Friday was much like I thought it would be, if not better, but the rest of the weekend was literally life-changing.

Friday evening we met up with my favorite aunt and uncle who came for a visit from Albuquerque, New Mexico. My aunt is that one person I think of when I think about who I'd like to be like when I grow up. Well, I can aspire, but I'm afraid she will always trump me in her ability to make everyone around her feel special.

My aunt, uncle, sister, sister's boyfriend, my nephew, and my family met at a park that we have gone to for three years now for this annual gathering. My uncle, who is great with kids, got Milla to warm up to him in no time. She's a little daredevil and it's a darn good thing my uncle - who is 70-some years old - is in as great shape as he is because she definitely had him chasing after her.

My uncle is simply an amazing man. Really, there is no other word for it. He is still working the same job he started at fresh out of college over forty years ago and he bikes to work every day. I'm not sure of the distance of his two-wheeled commute but it's not some piddly ride down the street. And it's in Albuquerque no less - so we're not talking about some drab, flat-as-a-board terrain here like Indiana tends to be.

My uncle helping Milla off the big kid slide at the park.

Reiss holding the camera case and "taking a picture of Daddy."

Reiss climbing the rock wall at the park playground. Who says children with autism have poor muscle strength??? To be honest, he is slightly delayed in his physical agility but he is much less apprehensive than he used to be when playing on playground equipment.

This is the same playground where Reiss received a mysterious leg injury the day before Milla was born. I say "mysterious" because he could not walk after going down the slide and having his shoe skid on the side of it, yet doctors could not find anything wrong by x-ray. Finally, they ruled it to be a sprain but we will never know for certain.

My uncle helping Milla at the top of the big kid slide.

Our visit with my aunt and uncle was awesome, as always. We definitely do not see enough of them and I hate it but what can ya' do?

Saturday morning started out like every other Saturday in our home. We had Pancake Saturday and Reiss helped James make our special GFCF pancakes.

Saturday was my dad's birthday. He and I do not have the best relationship in the world but I will give him credit, he does seem to be making more of an effort to make amends in recent days. He called Saturday morning to see if we would like to go to a dinner my step-brother was having for him. I told him we would maybe stop by but things were really busy and I totally forgot that we had discussed going with our neighbors to the church's Saturday evening casual service.

Saturday afternoon we had just gotten naps for Reiss and Milla started when Reiss came out and told James he needed to go pee. He sat on the potty in the bathroom with Daddy and started making noises with his mouth. James asked him if he needed a drink and he said he did, so James went and got him a cup of juice. He took a drink and then our lives changed. He started flinching, so James took him and put him in his bed. While all this was going on, I was lying in bed with Milla while she slept.

James came and got me and said something was wrong with Reiss. When I got in there, his eyes were looking to his right side. I picked him up and tried to get him to talk. He said, "I know, I know, I know, I know..." And then nothing. Reiss has never had a seizure before but I knew almost immediately when I saw his eyes going off to the right that he was seizing.

James grabbed Reiss and I got Milla and we headed for the hospital, which thankfully, is very close to our house. We ran stoplights, honked the horn almost non-stop, and at one point, even gave someone a yard job (in order to get past some people who had gotten in a fender bender) all in order to get to the hospital. By the time we got there, Reiss was not conscious and my heart was pounding.

Reiss seized for an "unusually long time" as we were told by the emergency room staff. I've never felt my heart breaking so entirely so quickly. I hate to think what could have been had we not recognized the level of seriousness of the situation or had we - God forbid - gotten in an accident ourselves on the way to the hospital. Or had we even called 911 and waited on an ambulance, rather than drive ourselves. Time really was of the essence here and none of it could be wasted waiting on others.

Without giving the minute details of the entire situation, suffice it to say that James did not have the best Father's Day.

Today is Reiss' birthday. Our big boy is four years old. Today has not been the ideal day of what I had planned for his birthday. Originally, we were going to take Reiss to an indoor waterslide park until I researched a few of them in the area, only to learn that Reiss does not meet the height requirement for getting on the waterslides. He could have played in the toddler area but when we factored in the cost and the limited attractions he would be allowed to play on, we decided perhaps next year would be a better time to take him to such a place.

We then decided to take Reiss to a part of downtown Indianapolis that has been restored to serve as a family-oriented tourist attraction. Indianapolis has an old canal that runs partially through the city. We were going to take Reiss to walk along the canal and go for a gondola or paddle boat ride. Saturday evening I was going to make Reiss a special gluten-free, casein-free cake that would serve as his birthday cake.

None of the plans I had happened.

Yesterday, Reiss was unable to walk on his own. His speech was slurred. He was so tired and cranky from the physically draining seizure ordeal, all the medications pumped into his little body, and lack of sleep that he cried almost non-stop Saturday evening and Sunday. In the wee hours of Sunday morning, Reiss was still awake until 3:30am, when we finally okayed the administration of Benadryl to relax him. They would not sedate him and they do not use or approve of our natural method of using melatonin in aiding sleep. We didn't really want them to sedate him or use Benadryl to get him to sleep but he was not going to go to sleep any other way. Total and complete exhaustion was not making him fall asleep.

Fortunately, Reiss is doing much better today. James stayed home from work as a precaution though. Reiss is walking fine, talking fine, and with the exception of being a bit more hyper than his normal self, he is back to being the Reiss we know and love.

A Wedding and a Wading Pool

When James sees this photo on here, he will probably break into my blog and delete the HTML for this photo but oh well...I think it's a pretty good pic of him. (Don't tell him I told you, but he's wearing a pair of child's Spiderman sunglasses.)


Milla is becoming quite a little ham for the camera and will often smile on demand these days. Notice Reiss now has the Spiderman sunglasses?


Milla splashing around in the pool and the tips of my gnarly feet. I have never been for a pedicure before but I'm starting to think my time has come.


This must have been around the time when our neighbors walked over. Milla just loves our little neighbor boy, who is a week younger than her. They always share the most adorable hugs and kisses when they get together. I'm wondering at what age exactly do I need to start monitering that behavior...????


A rare moment caught with Reiss actually looking at the camera...


Quite often, this is the face Reiss makes when told to smile for the camera. Usually, it doesn't include quite so much tongue...but this made me laugh so I had to post it. This photo was taken at the wedding we went to yesterday. More on that in a minute.....

Someday, we will have photos of us all smiling and looking at the camera when the lens shoots. However, that day was not yesterday.

I don't normally post many photos with me in them because it somehow feels vain, even if this blog is about my family, but here is one for those of you who have emailed me or made comments that you never see any pictures of me. This was also taken at the wedding.

The only photo we have of James at the wedding yesterday is one in which he is about to say something and as a result, makes him look angry. In it, Milla is also crying and Reiss is actually looking at the camera. Go figure...At any rate, it wasn't a good pic so it's not on here.

The 9:30 a.m. wedding that I went on and on about on here on Friday was actually supposed to be a 9:45 a.m. wedding that ended up being closer to 10 a.m. The wedding and reception hall were out in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, I kid you not when I say that we were stuck behind a combine that was wider than both lanes of the tiny little country road we were travelling on for a few minutes on our way to the wedding.

If our country is ever invaded, that place is where I want to be, as we were barely able to find it ourselves - I'm sure someone invading isn't going to find it. The directions were wrong. Yes, they were wrong. It was not that we were wrong. The directions were wrong and said to turn on a road that didn't even exist. Amazingly, we still got there and on time.

The bride and groom not only wrote our children's names on the invitation, but also encouraged us to bring them when we saw them recently, stating that, "There will be tons of kids there." There weren't. There were no children Milla's age and maybe three who were Reiss's age, two of whom were in the wedding itself. By the time the wedding got started, Milla was "over it" with all the waiting and so she and I got up and walked around. Luckily, we were in the back row and the wedding was outside so doing so was not a disturbance or anything tacky. Not long after we got up, James and Reiss did so as well.

I didn't get to see any of the wedding. James got to see a few minutes of it. We then waited for the wedding party to come into the reception hall. More attendees began coming into the reception hall and we were all waiting. We waited. And waited...and waited...and waited. Meanwhile, the DJ told everyone to go ahead and help themselves to the breakfast buffet (it was now after 11 a.m. and James and I had had nothing to eat at all). So we all did and we waited for the bride and groom to come in to sit at the wedding party table. And we waited and waited and waited. And waited some more.

They never came in and finally I asked my sister-in-law where they were and she said they were doing the wedding photos. Okay....great. But seriously, I have never been to a wedding where it took so incredibly long. And if I sound like I think this event was all about me, I don't mean to. It's just that when you go to a wedding you typically think you're going to at least see the bride and groom at their own reception, right?

Finally, a little after 12 p.m. Reiss and Milla couldn't take being there any longer so we said our good-byes to the family members around us and went outside to leave. As we were walking to the parking lot, I saw my nephew (the groom) and told him we were sorry that we had to leave. He said that they were still doing photos and he was sorry they were not inside yet.

I'm not sure which I was more shocked by....the fact that the photographer was taking so many photos OR that the reception hall (I was told) was supposed to be emptied out by 12:30....meaning the bride and groom would not even get to be at their own reception because they needed to be out of there before they were even done doing all their photos.

Whatever. I wished I had gotten a sitter to watch Reiss and Milla. Perhaps I would not have been so frustrated by the getting lost getting to the middle-of-nowhere reception hall, the fact that there were no children there after all, the fact that we had to leave before getting to see the bride and groom....blah, blah, blah.

I'm sure it was a wonderful day for the bride and groom. They both looked awesome in their wedding duds and what little I did get to see of them, they looked very happy together on their big day. The bride wore an unconventional tea-length cut dress. It reminded me quite a lot of the many photos I have seen of 1960's brides with their something-other-than-full-length dresses and wavy styled hair.

It really was a good day....I don't want to sound like I'm raining on their parade. But I am glad it's done and I no longer have to worry about being lost in the Indiana countryside with combines blocking the road in front of me and banjo music playing behind me.

And in case anyone is wondering, Pancake Saturday became Pancake Sunday this morning, if only for today.

Finally Friday!!!

Hello, my little neglected blog! I have not purposely deprived you of my passion for writing these last few days - it's just that it's finally Summer here in Indiana. Well, not technically if you look at the calender, but if you go by the weather alone, the warm temperatures have finally arrived and are hopefully here to stay for a few months time.

Reiss is out of school for the summer and we are busy already. Between playgroups and therapies and everything else we have going on, we are going just about every day. Not all day or even every day but a lot of the time and it makes the time fly by. This week seems to have passed in the blink of an eye.

One day per week Milla has speech therapy and we both love her therapist, Miss Laura. Miss Laura pulls up in the drive in her SUV that's "just like the Mommy truck" as Reiss calls it. She unloads her bags of toys and puzzles and learning activities and comes in to have Milla immediately pop a squat in her lap. They click so well together that it only serves as a reminder of how lucky we are to have chosen someone who does such a great job. I hear from other mothers how they went through ____ (fill in the blank) therapists before finding the right fit for their own child(ren). Had I done a "Thankful for Three Things Thursday" post yesterday, this would have been something worth mentioning.

Reiss is also doing a therapy of sorts in a group setting. A friend who has two sons with ASD has a therapist come into her home to do ABA therapy with her youngest son who is a few months older than Reiss. The therapist comes one day per week for one-on-one therapy and then another day for therapy with other children present. We go on the day when the therapist is there to perform group therapy. We only started going this week but I am very optimistic and looking forward to seeing the benefits Reiss will reap from this type of setup. Not only do I get adult conversation and a mommy break, but the therapy is free of charge for us since it is my friend who is being charged. (In my defense, I did offer several times to compensate her for some of their charges but she refused.)

Tomorrow we have a wedding to attend at 9:30 a.m. No, that is not a typo and yes, you read right. Nine-thirty. In the morning. On a Saturday. Seriously, who gets married at that time? Need I say more? Probably not. But I will.

This is my nephew on my husband's side of the family who is getting married. I made a comment about the time of the wedding to my husband, who then made a comment to his mother, who then made a comment to my brother-in-law (her son), who said that the time of the wedding is because the bride's mother was making all the wedding arrangements and in order for them to get the "lower rate" on the wedding and reception hall, they had to make the time of the arrangement in the morning.

Ooooookaaayyyy.....Now anyone who knows anything about me knows I am all about saving money and stretching a dollar so tight it will flip you in the head when you let go of it, but come on, is it really necessary to be such a tightwad when doing so comes at the inconvenience of so many others involved? Really, how much of a savings could there possibly be? And I know we can't be the only people who think this is an absolutely ridiculous time for a wedding so again, I ask....SERIOUSLY, who - in their right mind - gets married at that time?

Guess we won't be having "Pancake Saturday" (for the first time in nearly four years!) tomorrow morning.....

Firetrucks and First Steps Family Fair

Today has so far been a pretty productive day. Milla is napping right now so I'm taking some time to relax.

As is always the case on Saturday mornings, James and Reiss made pancakes and sausage for breakfast. Plain with maple syrup and "white" (powdered sugar) on top for Reiss. Occasionally, he will eat a blueberry pancake too, but he really just likes to eat the blueberries before they are buried in batter. For Daddy, it's plain pancakes and blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. That is, unless Reiss insists James put white on his as well. Mine are chocolate chip and pecan and blueberry and pecan with maple syrup. Occasionally, I will slice a banana on top. Milla doesn't - or perhaps I should correct myself and say won't - eat pancakes.

After breakfast, Reiss and James went outside to mow the front and side lawns. James uses the real mower and Reiss uses his toy mower we got at KMart a few years ago. Today, the KMart mower decided to die. R.I.P., little toy lawn mower. So, another thing on the agenda for today: Go buy another mower. Normally, we don't just go buy our children things for the heck of it but the toy mower is one of the kids' favorite toys so with the old one breaking, we decided it needed to be replaced.

A little later, we attended a First Steps Family event. First Steps is Indiana's name for early intervention for infant and toddler developmental programs. It is called First Steps here and in a few other states. In other states, it is called something else but I can't recall exactly what right at the moment. It was not an "open" invitation event, but rather an event where only First Steps recipients and their families could attend. Milla gets speech therapy through the program so we received an invitation.

Children in attendance at the fair were allowed to pick out three books for free. So we came home with SIX brand new books for which we didn't spend a single penny! There was a girl "manning" the book tables - there were FOUR huge tables of books to choose from - and she was wearing a Target shirt and the bags that were given out for people to carry the books were Target bags. One could reasonably conclude that Target played a part in providing the books at no charge, so thank you, Target!!

There were was a firetruck and an ambulance there - outside, of course, not inside with all the other stuff. The firefighters brought safety dogs with them and put on little shows with the dogs demonstrating fire safety. In addition to the book tables, there was a free ID card station and table after table of informational literature on programs for children of all levels of special needs.

There were two reps there who gave me some very helpful information regarding the Medicaid waiver program for children with learning disabilities. And before anyone judges me at the mention of the word "Medicaid," this program is open to people of all income levels. Even if the child does not meet certain requirements for all benefits while under the age of 18 because of family income levels, they do qualify for it once they reach eighteen years. It's very confusing and too much detail and drama to try and explain in a blog post that is meant to be a light-hearted recounting of our Saturday.

They also had tables of water bottles, bags of chips, cookies, hotdogs, and lemonade - again, all for free! LOVE, love, love FREE! Eating the way we do, we couldn't have everything there though, so I grabbed a bottle of water, a few bags of chips, and two lemonades. We popped a squat and drank the lemonades and off we went to see the firetrucks outside before leaving.

One of Reiss's favorite things in the whole world is firetrucks. Just don't blow the horn or he will freak out. We always make sure any fire personnel we come in contact with when looking at firetrucks know this and politely ask them not to blow the horn. They are always happy to oblige because even they don't like being so close when those things go off. They will do it for children who ask but they say those children usually want them to do it over and over. Too much noise, if you ask me. Good thing Reiss has noise sensitivities!

We climbed all over the firetrucks, inside and out. Reiss got to listen to his heartbeat with a stethoscope in the ambulance. He ran his Hot Wheels truck he was carrying all up and down the stretcher. He and Milla both tried phoning in an emergency. Okay, not really, but they were very taken with the phone and cb speaker or whatever it's called. They played and jumped around inside both trucks with several other children but not once did any of the other children ask to hear the firetruck horn....thank goodness!

As we were leaving the church where the fair was, which just happened to be the same church where Reiss goes one day per week for Parent's Day Out, he and Milla sat down on the little childsize park bench. It was precious and once again, I was kicking myself for not carrying our camera with us at all times.

Next we went and got lunch from the usual Saturday place and brought it home for a picnic out on the deck. Reiss, Milla, and James ate their lunches. I ate nothing and finished off the bottle of water from the fair. Since yesterday morning, I have had rotating flu symptoms. First, it was a headache, then achy body pains and then it was a sore throat. Today, it has been achy body and sore throat and no appetite since breakfast. I'm just glad it's not so bad to prevent us from being able to enjoy the weekend.

After everyone was sufficiently done feeding their faces and throwing the "dirty" almond cookies (we tell Reiss they are dirty because they contain gluten and he cannot eat them) off the deck that are always given to us by the Asian restaurant owners, we headed for KMart. KMart did not have a toy lawnmower.

Next up, ToysRUs. They only had two types of toy mowers and no cheapy $5 ones like the one we were replacing. One of the mowers they had was a bubble mower. No, no, no. Big fat Mommy veto. No more "bubble" toys. We have a zillion of them and probably every single one is currently sitting in the garage covered in a thin layer of bubble "slime" - what I call the bubble solution when it dries after the toy is not cleaned after use. The only other choice was a popper mower of sorts. The balls in it are very small. It doesn't make anywhere near the amount of noise a traditional "popper" toy makes.

$25.99 (not including tax) later, we have a new toy mower. Yes, I balked at the price and no, I didn't want James to shell out that much money but I also didn't want to drive all over town looking for a new toy mower, at naptime, no less. New mower in hand and everyone strapped safely into the Mommy truck and home we came.

Milla fell asleep approximately fourteen seconds into the ride home and Reiss sang trying to wake her. We got home and Reiss played outside for quite some time, covering nearly every square inch of grass we own with Daddy in tow. They both came in and headed for a good place to nap and that brings us to now....Everyone is asleep but me! And I'm the one not so hot so I am getting off here and going to get some Z's while it's still quiet. Na-nite! (at 4:30 in the afternoon!)

Surprisingly Great Weekend

After the kind of day we had Friday, I wasn't expecting for this weekend to turn out as nicely as it has. I am happy to report that the amount of back and forth toddler harassing between Reiss and Milla has been about equal the last two days. Given most families' circumstances, any amount of harassing behavior between children would most likely not be cause for celebration. However, considering our family's circumstances and the fact that Reiss seems to consider pestering Milla a favorite pastime, it's nice to see when she gets in a pinch or a shove every once in awhile.

Friday evening I told James I was planning to go redeem my Gymbucks on Saturday morning. He wasn't thrilled with the prospect of having to watch Milla at a time when she is usually looking forward to her morning nap. The weather had other plans for me though. Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day and the mall was no place to be on a day that was such a rare treat for the month of April in Indiana. James had to do some work-related stuff and I was glad I had RSVP'ed for a birthday party for a little boy in Reiss's class that we wouldn't be able to make it because - well, we wouldn't have made it on time if we had tried.

Later on, there was a ton of stuff to do and yard-work to do. Reiss helped Daddy "work." I did some things that were getting behind in the house - a.k.a. laundry, dishes, bills, etc. - and then went outside to play with Reiss and Milla. We played on the swingsets...we threw sand everywhere in the sandbox and in the grass...we walked a little way into the woods to look for mushrooms. Well, not really. They played and I walked a little way into the woods but only far enough where I could still see them playing. Didn't find any mushrooms but really didn't expect to either. We have lived here six years and have not found any mushrooms since the first Spring of being here.

We came in for dinner and then decided to go burn up some gas driving around. Okay, not really. We weren't just driving around aimlessly. The plan was to go to the health food store before it closed so that I could replenish some supplements and get Reiss some Enjoy Life candy bars as a special reward for when he makes big strides in potty-training. And yes, I'm aware you're never supposed to use food as a reward but when you have a child with autism and sensory issues and other kinds of things going on, you do what you can and so far, chocolate is the only motivating factor for Reiss to produce "results" in the potty.

So we went and got the candy bars and then Reiss wanted to drive by his "work," which is just what we calls the school where he attends developmental preschool. Since it was kinda on the way to our next stop and not terribly off-track to getting there, I didn't argue against it. We went to the school, did a drive around the parking lot, and then it was on to Chick-Fil-A to get a "Daddy Pop" - what Reiss calls Sprite - and play in the play area. We do not keep soft drinks in our house, so Sprite is a special treat. By not keeping it around, it ensures that we - Reiss and Milla, to be specific - aren't drinking it all the time. We got to Chick-Fil-A and played for quite awhile and things were winding down and not a minute too soon because some creepy man came into the play area. I really do think he was the grandfather of one of the children in there and not just some pervert hanging out but he gave me the willies, nonetheless, so I got Milla and James wrapped things up with Reiss and we left.

Today turned out to be a perfect day for the mall because the skies have been gray all day. I'm always excited whenever Gymboree has Gymbucks earning and redemption times because I am able to stock up on clothes for super-cheap.

Most people think of Gymboree and think their clothes are so expensive - and they are right. But most people don't shop at Gymboree like I do either. I have several rules set for the way I shop there, including but not limited to only shopping the sales and clearance racks and ONLY shopping during Gymbucks earning and redemption periods. There's a lot more to my method than that but I won't bore anyone with the details of my strategies for bargain-hunting there or the gratification I get out of doing so. Suffice it to say that by sticking to my "rules" of shopping, I pay less for brand-new clothes from Gymboree for my children than my mother-in-law pays for second-hand, sometimes not-in-such-great-shape clothes for them from Goodwill. And no, I have nothing against second-hand clothing but when it has seen much better days and I know I can pay less for new clothes at Gymboree, why bother with the hassle of having to sort through literally thousands of things at Goodwill just to find a few things worth taking home?

My Gymboree extravaganza this afternoon was quite satisfying and much to James's surprise, very quick. This was a good thing because he was in charge of "entertaining" Reiss and Milla there at the mall while I shopped. They went and rode a few of the horrendously priced ($0.75 and $1.00 each) little toddler rides. That may not sound like a lot to pay but it's a far cry from the penny rides Meijer used to have in their stores. Yes, used to have. They took them all out and I don't know how true it was but I heard it was because some kid got hurt. Poor kid...I really do feel for him if that is what happened but, at the same time, I'd bet my left arm it was a child whose parents gave him the penny and sent him on his way rather than stand right there to help and keep him safe. I saw that kind of thing all the time when they had those rides in there.

Anyway, getting off-track here...what's new. So they rode the rides a few times and then stood outside Johnny Rockets and listened and watched as the employees sang and danced around and then by the time that was all over with, I was done! Amazing! I bet I wasn't in Gymboree longer than twenty minutes and that's pretty impressive since - even with being only four days into Gymbucks redemption - everything was pretty picked over and I was having to do some serious bargain-hunting. I came away with some really good stuff and one shirt even rang up for a dollar-something. Now who says Gymboree is too expensive???

After Gymboree, we headed back to Sears, where we came in. Reiss played on the tractors and Milla ran around the lawn furniture. I chased her for a little while and she just thought that was loads of fun and giggled the whole way. I then plopped down into one of the chairs and my goodness, was it ever comfy!

We left Sears and the next stop on the agenda was to go to Gander Mtn. This morning I had this brilliant idea to go to an "outdoors" kind of store like Gander Mtn. or Dick's Sporting Goods and let Reiss and Milla play in the tents. Well, it seemed like a brilliant idea until we got there and there was only one tent set up. The rest of the floor models were displayed up high on the walls. Oh well. We also went and looked at the live bait, as in, minnows. Reiss really likes fish so this was pretty neat for him. My other reason for going there was to hunt down a stainless steel tiffin set for Reiss to take snacks to preschool and lunch to Parent's Day Out. That was a bust and I figured it would be so back to shopping online for that.

After all that, it was home for a nap for Milla and that brings us up to now....Off to make dinner: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Gotta get in some comfort food before I have to be good again and continue eating low-carb starting tomorrow. I cheat on weekends and although I still stick to GFCF and all my other rules, I eat considerably more carbs on the weekends. As long as I am good during the week and naughty on the weekends and the weight keeps falling off...why be good? >:)

The Perfect Day

Yesterday was one of those perfect days where you get up and you visualize in your mind's eye how you want everything to happen...and then it does.

My plan was to get up and play with the kids while my husband made pancakes for breakfast, just as he does every single Saturday - just as he has done every single Saturday for nearly four years now. The one and only time he missed a Saturday was when our sweet little Milla was born. Actually, she was born on a Monday but we did not come home from the hospital until the following Saturday, due to a stay in the NICU for jaundice and low blood sugar. Even then, if I recall correctly, my husband made pancakes on Sunday of that weekend.

James made pancakes. Since beginning this quest to eat gluten and casein free, he has been experimenting with several different pancake recipes to find one that meets a few particular criteria:

1. The pancakes must be fluffy.
2. There can be no "gummy" texture to them - a result that sometimes occurs in GFCF recipes if xantham gum is not used in just the right proportion to the other ingredients.
3. The taste needs to be as close to a traditional pancake as possible. Because GFCF pancake recipes require alternative flours to replace the regular all-purpose flour used in a regular pancake, there is sometimes a bit of an after-taste.
4. The recipe can only call for ingredients I deem "allowable." For example, no artificial sweeteners or refined sugars may be used.

The recipe James was experimenting with yesterday is Don Baker's Pancakes found in Special Diets for Special Kids by Lisa Lewis, Ph.D. So far, I think it is probably the best recipe we have found yet. We didn't have any sausage or bacon to go with the pancakes because I forgot to thaw some bacon Friday evening and we don't have any sausage until I can find a brand that does not have all the yucky preservatives in it that we have eliminated from our diets.

After breakfast, it was time for James and Reiss to go to the bank in "the Daddy truck." We have been working the last few days on saying, "I love you." I have been telling Reiss that I love him and then I ask him if he loves Mommy...I ask him if he loves Milla...what about Daddy? And Miss Udder (that's Miss Heather, his preschool teacher), do you love her? Yes, yes, yes, yes to all those.

My husband and I tell our kids all the time that we love them but Reiss has not said "I love you" without being prompted since he was probably around 18 months old. For those who are not aware, conveying emotions just isn't something a lot of autistic children do, let alone vocalize their feelings and emotions. Anyway, so that is one of the things we have been working on lately. So James and Reiss were getting ready to leave and I told Reiss, "I love you." and he started to say it back! My husband, not realizing that we were in the middle of a monumental moment, walked in and interrupted Reiss right after he had said, "I love...." So I don't know if he was going to say, "I love you" or "I love you, Mommy" or "I love you, too" or "I love you, Milla" or what....all I know is he said "I love...." and that was the best thing that could have happened - not just on Valentine's Day, but any day!

After the bank, James and Reiss came home and came inside to get Milla and take her outside to play. I had left a Valentine's Day card by the phone from the kids and me for James so he could see it when he and Reiss got back from the bank. He didn't notice it so I pointed it out. Then they all went outside and played long enough for me to get some housework done. I'm not going to say that I enjoy housework but I do enjoy the feeling of accomplishment I get after I've done something that has been on my "to do" list for quite some time or if I clean something that has been staring me in the face for several days begging to be wiped down with a cloth or scrubbed to a shine.

For lunch, we did the usual Saturday thing: Chinese from a hole-in-the-wall place not too far away. We have been getting lunch from this same Chinese place for I don't know how long...nine, maybe ten years? What can I say, we are creatures of habit. Can you tell?

After lunch we took the kids to Meijer to get Grandma a Valentine's Day gift. As with all birthdays, holidays, and heck, sometimes just because it's Tuesday (or Thursday or whatever), Marie had gone overboard buying gifts for us and for the kids. I felt badly that we had not gotten her anything and Reiss and Milla hadn't seen her in awhile, anyway, so off to Meijer we went and purchased a pet nail trimmer. I'm sure anyone reading this has probably seen what I'm talking about here since this is one of those "As seen on TV" kinds of products. The trimmer itself is like a Dremel sanding wheel inside a protective case. You put the dog (or cat or whatever animal of your choosing) paw up to the wheel and as it spins, it literally sands the nail away.

Then it was over the railroad tracks and through the housing addition to grandmother's house we went. The kids played with toys. My mother-in-law, Marie, wandered around looking for and bringing out more and more toys the longer we stayed. My husband fixed something on her computer and on her TV and on her TV remote control. And I sat wondering - as I often do when we are there - why Marie has so many of this item or that item. Yesterday, it was me wondering why she had two TV's in her kitchen while another sat just a few feet away in the living room. Yes, they were all turned on. And as is usually the case, when I asked, the answer was, "because that one (pointing to the one most recently purchased) was cheap."

My mother-in-law is a hoarder. No, not a hoarder like you see on Oprah or Dr. Phil where the house is so full that you have to kick a path to get through. No, her hoarding has (thank the Lord above!) not gotten that bad yet. At this point, she just hoards things to the point where one of anything is never enough. I think she has felt an extreme emptiness since my father-in-law passed away in 2001, but I'm not a shrink. God love her! It's so sad to watch and I just want to hug her and tell her that she doesn't need all these things...that she has family to love her and that things will never love her back....but we have never had that touchy, feely loving mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship so all I can do is sit by and pray that someday - hopefully some time before she gets buried alive in a too tall pile of "because-it-was-cheap at Goodwill" items - she finds some peace.

After Grandma's house, we came home for naps for the entire family. I got up and for dinner, I made flank steak with caramelized onions and mushrooms, rice pasta shells and "butter," and salad. Later on, I tried a recipe for chocolate cake with chocolate sauce. It was so good and the chocolate sauce recipe, which made way too much (oh darn!), tastes almost identical to Hershey's syrup. We ate dinner and cake and then I cleaned up the kitchen. We played and had a dance party, which is just our lingo for turning on one of the music channels on cable on the tv and dancing around with the kids until they are exhausted and we are all ready to collapse.

Nothing the rest of the day could possibly top the "I love..." that we heard from Reiss in the morning and despite the fact that we did have a few tantrums from both kids yesterday, it really was a perfect day.