Miss the Bliss

Yesterday evening I went to my local TACA chapter's Coffee Talk meeting. Coffee Talk is, essentially, mommy therapy for autism moms, although an occasional dad shows up. It is a less formal, unstructured version of our regular TACA meetings; a time for talking about anything autism-related and everything else under the sun.

There were only four of us, including myself and three other moms. Somehow along the way we got on the topic of how autism affects every aspect of the lives of a family who has a member with autism.

I remember not long after my son was diagnosed, my father had become increasingly aggravated with me and told me it was because we (my family) had become so involved with autism that our entire lives revolved around it - as if we could just choose to separate ourselves from autism but instead made a conscious choice not to do so. Wouldn't it be great if it really was that simple?

Having only been into this journey for a short time when my father told me that, I did not know that my response should have been, "Yes, you are exactly right! Our lives do revolve around autism because autism has made itself a part of every single aspect of our lives."

No matter how much I would love to separate autism from our lives, it is there. It is always present and always finds a way to creep itself into every little detail of our lives.

Parents of typical children wake their children in the morning. In my house, my husband and I may be awakened at any hour of the night by our children who do not sleep well. Children with autism generally have an imbalance of seratonin and lack the ability to produce sufficient levels of melatonin - two hormones that, when out of balance, make for very poor sleep.

Parents of typical children give their children breakfast. My husband and I give our children a gluten-free, casein-free (GFCF) breakfast and more vitamin and mineral supplements than most professional athletes take. My children are full of metals and have gastrointestinal problems that cause them to have low levels of essential nutrients in their body or the ability to process foods properly in order to acquire those nutrients. The GFCF foods they eat help to heal their gastro issues and the supplements provide the nutrients they need where their bodies fail to obtain them through food.

Parents of typical children send their children off to school and bid them a nice day. My child goes to a private school with a full-time aide provided by our insurance because our public school system refused to give him an aide or allow our aide in school with him. They also refused to put necessary safety measures in place to ensure my child's safety without an aide.

Parents of typical children set up playdates for their children. My children attend a social group where they are integrated with neurotypical peers. Finding a playdate for a child with autism involves a monumental search equivalent to finding an ice cube in the desert. No, that's not right. Finding a playdate for a child with autism is not that difficult. The difficulty is in finding a lasting playmate for a child with autism.

Parents of typical children put their children in sports and activities like soccer and dance. My children take swimming lessons specifically for children with special needs so that they can receive one-on-one instruction.

Parents of typical children think nothing of sending cupcakes or cookies to school with their child for his or her birthday. When this happens, if I don't know in advance, my child is left out because he cannot eat the birthday goodies. How's that for "inclusion?" I did not choose to have my child on a special diet - his physical needs made that choice for us.

Parents of typical children think nothing of packing the kids in the car and taking off for a round of errands. For my husband and me, there is no such thing as a "round" of errands. If we can make it to two places with minimal problems and tantrums, we feel lucky.

Parents of typical children hire a babysitter for an evening and have a lovely evening out on the town for date night. My husband and I pay twice the amount for a babysitter as what typical parents pay and then we go out for a few hours with the hope that our son's next seizure will not occur on our caregiver's watch.

Parents of typical children take their children to the park or the library or a family outing and then relax or read a book or mingle with relatives while their children play. I have never been able to relax at a park for fear of my child bolting from the scene (children with autism are notorious escape artists) or injuring himself on the playground equipment because of his poor muscle tone caused by his autism and its internal workings or because he is having a tantrum for one reason or another. I have never read a book while my children play at the library, again, for fear that my child may bolt from the scene. I have mingled with relatives at family outings but only because my husband was overseeing the care of our children at the time.

This is what I mean by missing the bliss that other parents are fortunate enough to have. Actually, I do not miss it, as that would imply that I had it at one time. I have never had that peaceful bliss of just letting my children exist and play and live carefree lives. That bliss was ripped away from me just the same as a small piece of hope for my children to lead independent adult lives was ripped from them when they developed autism.

I have no point here, really. At this point, I am so over autism and while both of my children have made great strides towards blending better with their peers, autism still makes its presence very well-known on a daily basis. I grieve the loss of that carefree life I see so many parents around me living every single day.

Because ONE Day Would Just Be Too Much To Ask....

I admit it. I envy parents of typical children. I envy how seemingly easy it is for most of them to just pack up the kids, pack up the car, and go out for a day of fun. I envy how they can think nothing of going to a movie their child has wanted to see or a restaurant for a special family dinner or heck, even just to the post office to mail a package.

I feel like my family's life is all about just wanting ONE day of knowing what it's like to have typical children. One day where we don't have to deal with autism. One day where I can look back at the end of the day and think "Wow, this must be what it's like to be a regular family." But apparently, one day like that is just too much to ask because I'm still waiting for it.

Packing up the kids and packing up the car for a day of fun (and I use the term "fun" very loosely because most of these outings for us consist mainly of chaos control and tantrum prevention) does not happen very often for us. Doing so means packing up food that fits our specialized diet, making sure we have enough clothes changes should we have any "accidents" with a child who would probably be potty-trained by this age, if he was a neurotypical. Don't get me wrong...I know it's not his fault he has autism and I do know we are lucky that he is "mostly" potty-trained, considering I have friends whose children with autism are seven, eight, nine years old and older who still wear diapers.

My kids do not watch tv so going to a movie is out of the question. It's not that we do not allow tv viewing in our home, they simply have no interest and no attention span to sit still for watching tv. Ask a typical child who their favorite cartoon character is and immediately they will spout off some silly Disney or Nickelodeon character. Ask my children who their favorite cartoon characters are and they will stare blankly, not even knowing what you're talking about.

Going to a restaurant? Ha! First of all, my children can't eat most of what is served in restaurants and again, there's the won't-sit-still factor. We could take our own food but then we have to talk to the manager of the restaurant. Then there's dealing with Reiss who has that wonderful aspect of autism that involves rigidity to sameness (although he uses this selectively, as you'll read later about fits involving me and giving him what I think he wants at the time) gets bent out of shape if his plate looks any different than Daddy's plate, so James can't really eat the food offered in the restaurant either unless we sit there with the whole restaurant patronage looking at us while our child throws a fit.

Going to the post office isn't impossible but it's no walk in the park. Typically, I try to do this, when needed, when Reiss is in preschool. Until about two months ago, Reiss hadn't even been in a post office for almost two years. I simply didn't want to deal with it.

Am I complaining? Yes, actually, I am and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not blaming anyone or blaming my child but yes, I am complaining. I get tired of all the challenges of autism and how it invades every aspect of our entire lives. Although I don't really pay attention anymore to the stares out in public, I do still get tired of them.

I get tired of every single day, nearly every waking moment being a challenge.

I am tired of politicians in high places cutting funds for services (i.e respite care....can I get a "Hell, yeah!" from those of you who know what I'm talking about???) families like mine desperately need and then offloading billions to people who have entered my country illegally. Yeah, I said it!

I am tired of trying what all the behavior "experts" whose clients are parents of typical children say to do for behavior modification and it not working with my child. I wish all these "experts" would walk a day in my shoes and understand that their Supernanny methods, 1-2-3 Magic, positive reinforcement, giving choices, and just about everything else imaginable doesn't always work with children with autism the way they swear it does with typical children. While all those are good methods and we have had limited success with each of them, the fact still remains that children like mine are wired differently. It's not just me saying this - it truly is a fact. Even my child's own preschool teacher understands that none of these methods will work consistently and for very long with a child with autism. So why don't these professionals who are getting paid multiple times more than her seem to get that?

I get tired of being judged for everything - how I handle situations with my children, the way I feed them, the treatments I choose to work towards recovering my children from autism, and on and on and on. Just this morning I was speaking with another mom of two boys with autism who told me her extended family swears that her sons' improvements towards recovery have nothing to do with the biomedical treatments (that are, coincidentally, very similar to the ones we use) she has been doing, but rather, her sons are simply "outgrowing" their autism. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry because we - my husband and I - have both heard things along the same lines.....

"Oh, it looks like Reiss is really starting to outgrow this..."

and

"Just give it a few years and he'll outgrow it."

I am tired of nearly every encounter with my child being a struggle. Reiss may want his pancake cut up today and then throw a ten-minute tantrum tomorrow because I cut it up. This evening I may give him a fork at dinner and then have to listen to him have a meltdown about "Why'd ya' give me a fork, Mommy?" when just yesterday he wondered why I didn't give him a fork. It's like no matter what I do, I have to think about my actions before doing them and recall what it was that made Reiss happy in the same situation ten minutes ago or this morning or yesterday and then recreate whatever made him happy, only to be met with a tantrum because this time he wanted it differently......again. Ignorant people call this being bratty. In my children, it's autism.

Yes, I'm complaining. And yes, I hate autism. And yes, I hate living in a world that's not made for people like me or my children. And yes, I am having a bad day. Yes, I would love to be one of those mothers of children with autism who just puts on a happy face all the time but that's not me. And honestly, I have a feeling that it's not really how those moms feel either......they just save their unhappiness for more private moments. I don't know of a single mom who will say they love autism or the challenges it creates.

I'm done....that's all, folks. Back to the grind and tantrums and challenges and endless paperwork for services for my children and therapies and phone calls to therapists and finding a babysitter who truly "gets" it and finding that magic combo that will save me my sanity improve my child's well-being.....

I'll Have a Grande Cappuccino and a Large Order of Simplicity, Please!

Today I am craving simplicity in the worst way and just a little bit of normalcy. I miss the days when I could just walk out the door without having to worry about taking every necessary precaution and planning every detail of every errand in order to make sure things went smoothly and I came home with the same number of children I took with me.

This autism thing is wearing on me the last few days. It seems to be a cyclical condition in which I have a few really great days and then a few bad or really bad days. Today has not been bad, it has just been a reminder that I no longer lead a carefree lifestyle like so many parents of typical children. If I sound bitter or envious, I'm a big enough person to admit that some days I am. However, I am working through it and am learning to accept that my family does not have the luxury of spontaneity or the same options available to us that many families do. I suppose it's a pretty good thing that I accomplished a lot and travelled more than most before having children.

What would most likely be a fairly easy outing for most parents was nerve-wracking for me today. I had a list of places to go and I knew it would not be completed before coming home but wanted to do as much as possible. Although we left around what is typically lunchtime for us, I was keeping a positive frame of mind knowing that lunch in the car was not totally unreasonable now that Milla is of an age where she can feed herself and Reiss usually does well at keeping the messes to a minimum. And after all, I didn't get leather seats and an expensive stain treatment for nothing.

We stopped and I got the two monkeys an order of fries each and a drink apiece (I love the value menu!) and some chili for myself. Before anyone thinks I'm starving my children, let me explain why they only got fries and drinks. Chicken nuggets are out of the question - they contain gluten. Hamburgers (plain and bunless) many times go uneaten without a ton of poking and prodding and sometimes all-out begging. Not exactly what I wanted to deal with in the car. Going inside to eat remains in that uncharted territory for me as far as doing things without my husband along to assist. Yes, I know, two children should not be a challenge but that's also very easy for people to say when they don't have a child who runs at every opportunity. Getting off track, as usual, anyone reading is probably still wondering why they only got fries and drinks. Simple! They don't eat much. What they got was plenty for them and I prefer to keep their nutritional needs in check on a daily basis rather than worry about it from a meal-by-meal standpoint. Translation? They got protein with breakfast and they'll get it again at dinner, along with a ton of veggies.

Back-tracking here a bit about Reiss and him running away from me.....Don't even get me started by saying, "Well, get a leash!" I have nothing against child restraints when they work but every one I've seen has the same type of buckle as the one we have and Reiss knows how to get out of that one.

Don't even get me started on the "Teach him about danger and not to run...." Most children with autism don't even get the concept of danger. Police and fire personnel in many cities are now being given classes and information regarding how to handle people with autism spectrum disorders so as to avoid situations like the Hawthorne incident and others similar to it that occasionally sprinkle the news and - even if for a short period of time - raise autism awareness in communities. Don't believe me? Look HERE.

Okay, so enough of me trying to defend myself and my failed attempts to teach Reiss about safety and not running from me in public places. Here is how our day unfurled.....

I checked the diaper bag to be sure we had plenty of Pull-Ups in there since Reiss is not potty-trained and Milla is starting to potty-train. Oh, the joys of potty-training two children at one time is just too much excitement, especially during those times when one is peeing on the floor and the other is unrolling an entire toilet paper roll. Most importantly though, I placed our new go-everywhere-with-us Diastat injector case into the bag. When Reiss had his seizure, we were lucky he was not placed on regular meds to be taken daily, but rather, given a prescription for Diastat to be injected only if another seizure should occur. Good: No daily meds. Bad: Remembering to have the Diastat with us at all times.

As I mentioned before, we left right around lunch time so the first thing on our agenda was food and getting some of it from a drive-thru. We did that and ate in the car and moved on.

Next, we went to the local YMCA to talk to someone about renewing our membership - but more specifically, about how things would be handled with Reiss and his autism. I wanted to be assured in the feeling of security that the care he would receive is appropriate and experienced. I needed to know if it is a problem that he's not potty-trained and would they know how to handle a seizure and blah, blah, blah. See what I mean about craving some normalcy? I wish I could just go in just like nearly everyone else and fill out a few forms and be done with it and start working out but it doesn't work that way for us anymore.

On the bright side, after talking to the woman I spoke with about our concerns, I feel rejoining the Y is a good move for our family and I hope to do it this week. We didn't do it today because Milla was getting all cranky-pants on me with it being early afternoon and near naptime and we might as well take James with us to do it all at the same time and save ourselves some time later of having to have his ID made on a separate date.

Next up was the health food store. We definitely do our part in shopping with local businesses and helping them stay in business. The two health food stores close to us receive more charitable contributions revenues from us than any one family should ever dole out. We didn't even need anything from the one we were going to today except that I noticed when I went to the other health food store yesterday, there was a sign on the freezer case saying the manufacturer of the Bell & Evans chicken nuggets we love so much was back-ordered on them. I wanted to get some more before both stores were out of them for God only knows how long.

Speaking of Bell & Evans, if you haven't tried this product and you don't mind paying the equivalent amount of money as say, a filet-mignon from the fresh meat case at the grocery store, I highly recommend their chicken nuggets. That said, we only eat them when I a)forget to thaw something for dinner or b)am feeling lazy and don't want to cook what I did thaw for dinner or c)want something that tastes like it came from out but don't want to pay to go out. They're expensive but convenience food doesn't come cheap when one has so many dietary restrictions. On a side note, if you come across the Bell & Evans chicken patties, all I can say is, "Back away from the freezer case." Honestly, I don't know how a company can make one product such a rockstar and another so gross I wouldn't feed it to the dog who roams the neighborhood. Oh wait, yes I would. That's exactly what I did when I served the patties for lunch one day and no one in our family took more than two bites.

Distracted again. Oh well, you guys are used to it by now. From the Y, and for most of the way to the health food store, Reiss and I had the "You run, we leave" conversation. I thought he had absorbed it and maybe this one time I wouldn't be "that parent" subject to the whispers and stares we so often get but alas, about ten minutes into my overstepping the bounds of just going in and grabbing what we needed and into the browsing segment of our visit, Reiss ran into another aisle. We already had the chicken and some organic popcorn (I've been wanting to try a recipe that calls for Chinese five-spice blend and some other things mixed and poured over popcorn), so I had to act on the you-run-we-leave rule.

We got our purchases rang and paid for and I comtemplated our next stop to Bed Bath & Beyond to get a salad spinner. However, Milla was way past due for getting home so that is where we headed. Back home. Back to the security of our haven of our own version of normalcy.

A Wedding and a Wading Pool

When James sees this photo on here, he will probably break into my blog and delete the HTML for this photo but oh well...I think it's a pretty good pic of him. (Don't tell him I told you, but he's wearing a pair of child's Spiderman sunglasses.)


Milla is becoming quite a little ham for the camera and will often smile on demand these days. Notice Reiss now has the Spiderman sunglasses?


Milla splashing around in the pool and the tips of my gnarly feet. I have never been for a pedicure before but I'm starting to think my time has come.


This must have been around the time when our neighbors walked over. Milla just loves our little neighbor boy, who is a week younger than her. They always share the most adorable hugs and kisses when they get together. I'm wondering at what age exactly do I need to start monitering that behavior...????


A rare moment caught with Reiss actually looking at the camera...


Quite often, this is the face Reiss makes when told to smile for the camera. Usually, it doesn't include quite so much tongue...but this made me laugh so I had to post it. This photo was taken at the wedding we went to yesterday. More on that in a minute.....

Someday, we will have photos of us all smiling and looking at the camera when the lens shoots. However, that day was not yesterday.

I don't normally post many photos with me in them because it somehow feels vain, even if this blog is about my family, but here is one for those of you who have emailed me or made comments that you never see any pictures of me. This was also taken at the wedding.

The only photo we have of James at the wedding yesterday is one in which he is about to say something and as a result, makes him look angry. In it, Milla is also crying and Reiss is actually looking at the camera. Go figure...At any rate, it wasn't a good pic so it's not on here.

The 9:30 a.m. wedding that I went on and on about on here on Friday was actually supposed to be a 9:45 a.m. wedding that ended up being closer to 10 a.m. The wedding and reception hall were out in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, I kid you not when I say that we were stuck behind a combine that was wider than both lanes of the tiny little country road we were travelling on for a few minutes on our way to the wedding.

If our country is ever invaded, that place is where I want to be, as we were barely able to find it ourselves - I'm sure someone invading isn't going to find it. The directions were wrong. Yes, they were wrong. It was not that we were wrong. The directions were wrong and said to turn on a road that didn't even exist. Amazingly, we still got there and on time.

The bride and groom not only wrote our children's names on the invitation, but also encouraged us to bring them when we saw them recently, stating that, "There will be tons of kids there." There weren't. There were no children Milla's age and maybe three who were Reiss's age, two of whom were in the wedding itself. By the time the wedding got started, Milla was "over it" with all the waiting and so she and I got up and walked around. Luckily, we were in the back row and the wedding was outside so doing so was not a disturbance or anything tacky. Not long after we got up, James and Reiss did so as well.

I didn't get to see any of the wedding. James got to see a few minutes of it. We then waited for the wedding party to come into the reception hall. More attendees began coming into the reception hall and we were all waiting. We waited. And waited...and waited...and waited. Meanwhile, the DJ told everyone to go ahead and help themselves to the breakfast buffet (it was now after 11 a.m. and James and I had had nothing to eat at all). So we all did and we waited for the bride and groom to come in to sit at the wedding party table. And we waited and waited and waited. And waited some more.

They never came in and finally I asked my sister-in-law where they were and she said they were doing the wedding photos. Okay....great. But seriously, I have never been to a wedding where it took so incredibly long. And if I sound like I think this event was all about me, I don't mean to. It's just that when you go to a wedding you typically think you're going to at least see the bride and groom at their own reception, right?

Finally, a little after 12 p.m. Reiss and Milla couldn't take being there any longer so we said our good-byes to the family members around us and went outside to leave. As we were walking to the parking lot, I saw my nephew (the groom) and told him we were sorry that we had to leave. He said that they were still doing photos and he was sorry they were not inside yet.

I'm not sure which I was more shocked by....the fact that the photographer was taking so many photos OR that the reception hall (I was told) was supposed to be emptied out by 12:30....meaning the bride and groom would not even get to be at their own reception because they needed to be out of there before they were even done doing all their photos.

Whatever. I wished I had gotten a sitter to watch Reiss and Milla. Perhaps I would not have been so frustrated by the getting lost getting to the middle-of-nowhere reception hall, the fact that there were no children there after all, the fact that we had to leave before getting to see the bride and groom....blah, blah, blah.

I'm sure it was a wonderful day for the bride and groom. They both looked awesome in their wedding duds and what little I did get to see of them, they looked very happy together on their big day. The bride wore an unconventional tea-length cut dress. It reminded me quite a lot of the many photos I have seen of 1960's brides with their something-other-than-full-length dresses and wavy styled hair.

It really was a good day....I don't want to sound like I'm raining on their parade. But I am glad it's done and I no longer have to worry about being lost in the Indiana countryside with combines blocking the road in front of me and banjo music playing behind me.

And in case anyone is wondering, Pancake Saturday became Pancake Sunday this morning, if only for today.

Sunday.....

This past weekend was great! No, not great - pretty darn awesome. We didn't get a darn thing done around here that I wanted to do - like rehang the kids' photos in the living room from when they were removed for our recent (two months ago!) remodel - but the rain subsided for the most part on Sunday and we were able to get out and have some fun. To Do List....phttt!!! Home projects can wait, right?

Sunday morning, we did what has become a semi-"usual" Sunday breakfast for us: I made vegan banana waffles. No, we are not vegans but the recipe is and we love it. I posted a link for it from Vegweb some time ago but now I have the recipe memorized, so here it is:

Banana Oatmeal Waffles

2 c. oatmeal
2 c. water
1 banana
1 T. sugar - I use different sweeteners each time. Yesterday, I used agave nectar.
1 t. vanilla
1/2 t. salt

Blend all ingredients in blender under very well blended. Let sit for a minute or two and then pour into well-oiled waffle iron. Cook until desired brown color.

Because there are no eggs, there are no worries for uncooked ingredients and you can cook the waffles as light brown or as dark as you like. We love this recipe and it's especially good with the real maple syrup we buy. If I ever write a cookbook called something like "Healthy Cooking for Morons" this recipe will be in it. Seriously, it's that simple.

Sunday afternoon, James and I had "Date Afternoon." I don't even know what to call this. When you go out childless in the evening, it's called Date Night. So what is it when you go out during the day? Date Day? Date Afternoon? Lunch Date? Escape? Whatever....so anyway, we decided to try out a relatively new restaurant in our area: BJ's Brewhouse. The name makes me laugh every time I hear it. I can't help it. Call me a perv.

To give a little background, I don't consider myself one of perverted mind but every time I hear of someone named BJ or, in this case, a restaurant called BJ's Brewhouse, I can't help but think of the perverted implication of these two letters when used in conjunction with one another. Recently, I was checking out a website I occasionally frequent that sells personalized t-shirts, household items, etc. On the site's homepage, there was a girl wearing a t-shirt that said, "I love BJ." The site doesn't seem like the kind of online store to promote such a thing on their opening page, so I couldn't help but wonder if it was a mistake or the website owner doesn't realize the implication or what. At any rate, I wondered more about the girl wearing the t-shirt. Who in their right mind would wear such a thing? And even if you do "love BJ" is it really something to go advertising across your chest??? Okay, tangent over, back to our regular scheduled blogging.....

Usually, I'm not terribly keen on "chain" restaurants, but now and then I will make an exception and yesterday was one of those days. So, chucking my food snobbery and distaste for franchise-style joints for the afternoon, James and I had our lunch date at BJ's Brewhouse. I joked with him that when we returned from our date that he could brag to our friends who were watching Reiss and Milla that he got BJ's for lunch. Okay, okay....really, I'll stop now.

At BJ's, James got a BBQ sandwich and I got a Turkey Cobb sandwich. Both were served on garlic-parmesan buns. My Turkey Cobb was turkey, lettuce, tomato, avocado, bleu cheese dressing, and bacon on the aformentioned garlic-parmesan bun. The sandwich was really yummy and I was very appreciative of the strong garlic flavor of the bun.

Fast-forward to about fifteen minutes after I finished eating and I was again reminded of why I don't like to "cheat" on my dietary rules. Naughty foods always taste really, really good while I'm eating them but not long after consumption they always seem to be like a bratty tweener child and start talking back to me. Yesterday was no different and I'm glad today is Monday and my digestive system is back to being on track with allowable foods.

I've had a sore throat for around two days now. With the weather starting to turn and the days sunny, I'm hoping this little bug or whatever doesn't decide to take up long-term residency in my body. Cold weather is not my idea of fun for being outside but I absolutely love Spring and warmer temperatures, so it figures that right as things start warming up, I'm not feeling 100%.

Now that I've sufficiently bored the tar out of anyone reading, I'm going to get off here and go put a flashlight in my mouth to inspect my throat. Hopefully, my next post will have some photos....of the kids having fun the last few days, not of my throat.

Donuts at Daycare!!!

Seriously...what is this world coming to???

I have a very good friend who works outside the home and her son stays at a very reputable and widely known private, non-franchised childcare facility in our area. Like me, my friend is quite the planner and researcher when it comes to delving into any new adventure. For example, being the responsible person she is, she began interviewing childcare providers well before her due date when she was pregnant, even while knowing that she would be home with her son for twelve weeks before returning to work and putting him in the care of others.

As my friend did her research for a suitable provider, she would tell me stories about the different facilities she had visited and questions she had asked of the providers themselves. From what she told me, I honestly think she made the very best choice from all that were available. All of this was done around a year and a half ago, as her son is the same age as my daughter - sixteen months.

My friend, I'm going to call her "S," is a registered dietician with a Master's degree (in Dietary Science or whatever it's called). She is one of those people who is conscious of what she puts in her body but not overly picky like some people where you would never see them eating anything considered unhealthy. No, S is one of those fun people who practices healthy habits but also knows that an occasional indulgence never really hurt anyone.

Just like my family has been doing, S has been trying to be even more conscious regarding her family's nutrition and their consumption of organic foods. Although the childcare facility where her son goes provides snacks for the children, S has been sending healthier snacks with her son and specific instructions to feed him the aforementioned snacks. However, recently her son's daily reports (I'm sure there's probably a specific name for these reports but I don't know what it is) have indicated that he is being given the same snacks as the other children: vanilla wafers, Crunch Berries, and a few others that I don't remember right now. Um...let's see here, that equals sugar, sugar, artificial food dyes, preservatives and who knows what else. I don't know because I do not buy those things and haven't looked at any of the boxes for quite awhile now.

S has spoken to the childcare providers about her son not receiving the snacks she sends with him. However, understandably so, she is in fear of being "that parent." You know the one...the parent who makes a fuss about everything - or at least, "everything" in the eyes of the person on the receiving end. I am "that parent" - I know, because I see the looks when I go to a restaurant and ask, "Does that have gluten in it?" or when we go to the doctor or dentist and I say, "I don't really want my son to even be on a prescription but if it's absolutely necessary, it needs to be gluten-free, casein-free, soy-free, dye-free and have no artificial sweeteners." I've seen the looks...people start getting this glazed over look and right then you know that whatever you are telling them is being totally lost somewhere in the deep recesses of their heads.

Speaking of "glazed over," you can imagine S's shock when she walked into the childcare facility one day to pick up her son - or maybe it was a visit, I'm not sure of the specific details of why she was there at snacktime - and the providers were slicing up yeast donuts to give to the children for their snack. Yes, you read that right: DONUTS!!! For. their. SNACK.

Let me clarify something here: I am not one of those parents who never lets my child have any sort of treats. Nor am I a parent who waited until my children were "X" (you fill in the blank with the desired number) years old before they were given something containing sugar or anything so incredibly stringent as those sorts of dietary rules. Yes, I know a few moms who have said their four-year-old has never had a cupcake......yet they will sit there and give them fruit leathers because they're "nutritious" or raisins by the handful. I'm not going to debate that either of those things don't have plenty of vitamins in them, but where I see the problem is that they contain just as much, if not more, sugars in them as a cupcake. The only difference being that the cupcake most likely has refined sugars in it - unless, of course, I am the one who made it using a reformulated recipe to include honey or agave nectar as the sweetener - whereas the sugars in the fruit leather and raisins are naturally occuring. But I'm getting off-track here.....what's new, right? Anyway, the point of this is that I am not an uptight grinch when it comes to my children having sweets and treats. I do allow them - they just have to meet a few requirements.

So back to S and her predicament....

These childcare workers were cutting up donuts to give to the children. Please, please, pleeeeaaaase tell me that S and I are not the only ones who see a major problem with this! First, we are talking about 16-month-old children being given donuts...for...their...snack! That is their snack? Hellooooo??? By the time snacktime rolls around, these children are probably pretty good and hungry. Is a yeast donut really the best thing to be giving a child with an empty stomach? All that sugar is going to go straight into the bloodstream and forget about the lack of health benefits here, it's the next stage of events that would worry me if I was one of the childcare providers. Seriously, who wants to be in a room full of toddlers all hopped up with a sugar rush from donuts? With that many toddlers bouncing off the walls, you may as well go to one of those indoor bounce house places at 7PM on a Friday evening when the kids are all fed and happy and just getting started on the bouncers.

S and I only spoke very briefly about this so I don't have many details but I have to wonder about a few things. For instance, do the parents of the children receive bad (or at least, not as good) daily reports on the days when the children have been given donuts? And if so, have any of the employees made this connection? It seems obvious to me, but then, I'm on the outside looking in. What sort of person would even think giving a toddler a donut for a snack is nutritious? I know that S can't possibly be the only one concerned about this, so are the other parents unaware of what their children are eating or just afraid to speak up? If this kind of thing is acceptable at one of the best facilities around, then what in the world is going on inside the not-so-great ones? Again, I do give my kids treats but let's save the donuts for a time when it is either considered a treat, or perhaps, as part of a weekend breakfast meal and there is also protein and some sort of fresh produce that must be eaten in order to earn the donut.

This situation just reminds me of how fortunate I am to be a stay-at-home mom. No worries about my kids eating things I don't want them to have. No awkward confrontations with people who think I'm being picky about how they are caring for my child. No worrying about whether my instructions for my child are being carried out. Aaaahhh...it's good to just be a mom even if it does mean wanting to pull my hair out some days.

Wow...All of this writing has got me hungry for a late night snack. Now where in the freezer did I hide that last GFCF donut?!?