Oh, How Autism Changes Your Goals....

Jenn over at Can Mom Be Calm? gave me an idea for a blog post of my own with one of her latest posts. In it, she compares her pre-baby goals to her goals after giving birth. Or rather, to her goals for her children now that she has two children with special needs.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately myself, especially during those times when I am subjected to another parent rambling on about how their child is the best soccer player his school has ever seen. Or how their child is the first in her class to make the fill in the blank with a sport travelling team. Or how about this one (we have all had to listen to someone like this): How the child walked out of the womb and was potty-trained by one year of age.

Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration but you get the point.

As Jenn pointed out in her own post, no matter whether you have a child who is typical or one who has special needs or even one who is extraordinarily gifted, for that matter, once you have a child and reality begins to set in, your goals begin to change so rapidly that you wonder how you were ever so naive to believe things would be the way you imagined them before you had the child.

Here are just a few of my "before" and "after" goals. And if you're new here and the name of this site wasn't enough to clue you in, here's a newsflash: I have a child with autism.

For my child -
Before: My child will not become addicted to television.
After: Please, God, can you get him to watch tv for just five minutes so I can have a break to breathe?

Before: I will not allow any organization (Boy Scouts or other) to base my child's membership eligibility on whether or not he goes out soliciting over-priced merchandise to our neighbors every other week.
After: At some point, I hope my child will "get" the concept of being in an extra-curricular activity.

Before: My child will not be that child in a restaurant who, at say, eight years old, has no table manners and still makes a toddler-size mess.
After: My child will be able sit quietly enough and sit still long enough by say, eight years old, that we can go out to eat as a family without people pointing and staring at us.

Before: My child will not be that child who all the other kindergarten children are whispering about because he peed his pants.
After: (With fingers crossed) My child will not be that child who all the other freshmen are loudly taunting because he peed his pants.

Before: My child will not be the child who gets picked on.
After: My child will almost certainly be the one who gets picked but I hope he can let it roll off his back (or let's hope God is looking out for the child doing the picking on him).

Before: My child will love to read.
After: I hope my child will read at his appropriate grade level.

Before: My child doesn't have to be Mr. Popularity but I hope he has a lot of friends.
After: I hope my child will "get" the concept of friendship soon. It's something we discuss frequently.

For myself -
Before: I will continue to work out and refuse to become a shlumpadinka mama.
After: Does playing waitress to my children and rarely getting a break to sit down count as exercise?

Before: I will not be one of those moms who goes out in public looking like they just got out of bed.
After: I hope I get to brush my teeth today. Getting a shower would be like a slice of Heaven.

Before: My husband and I will plan for college. We will not wonder during our child's senior year how we are going to pay for college.
After: I hope my child will do well in mainstream public school. Attending college would be a totally unexpected and more than welcome bonus.

Before: I will not be that parent...you know, like the one I mentioned before who brags about their child doing everything better than your child and at a younger age.
After: I will put on my best smile and try my darndest to not vomit down the front of that parent's shirt when I have to listen to their meaningless droning.

Enough of my goals. I need to get off here and go help my four-year-old study for the LSAT.