Allow me to preface this post with a very appreciative thank you to all the people who read this blog and offer supportive comments, tips regarding "What worked for my child...," encouragement, insight, and - most important - an understanding attitude from parents of typical children and children with autism.
When I began writing this blog in January, the purpose was for me to keep track of progresses, failures, learning experiences - for our entire family, not just ones experienced by Reiss, and to tell of my life experiences, in general, as I live it. Although my family's life is impacted by autism every single day, it is not what defines our lives. Just like anyone in the world, we have our good days and we have our bad days. Some days autism seems like the big smelly elephant in the room paying us a visit. Other days it feels like we are as close to a "typical" family as we can get. I write about about good days, bad days, and things totally unrelated to autism.
The reason I am posting on here today is because it has come to my attention by two people who are *supposed* to be very near and dear to me that my blog reflects a "Gloom and Doom" image. One of the mentioned persons admitted to only reading my blog once or twice and still had the audacity to point out only one specific instance where I wrote about a particularly bad day we were having. Honestly, I thought it was obvious by many of the posts that this blog is not meant to be all gloom and doom and if it is, why do I get so many supportive comments and email messages? If this blog is all gloom and doom, please refer to the following posts and tell me where the gloom and doom is:
The above posts are only from April and they do not include any of my "Thankful for Three Things Thursday" posts. During the month of April I made twenty-one posts. Personally, I think I did a pretty good job of keeping the number of "bad day" posts to a minimum.
One of the worst things parents of children with autism deal with is having others judge us. Every parent is judged. I know this but we seem to be judged more and on a different level because many times we are the ones in public places with the child behaving in a way that others deem our child(ren) as that child. We are asked why we can't just make the child behave. It is very frustrating to explain to people who have never been on this boatride that things aren't as simple with children with autism as they sometimes are with typical children. All children have their ups and downs. All children have their good days and their bad days. For those who do not understand why we can't just make our child behave sometimes, I'll direct you to this website: Ian Community. I encourage people to take a look at the links directing from that site.
Children with autism are wired differently. It is not an excuse spectrum parents make for our children and their behaviors. It is a plain and simple fact. In many ways, they are just like other children and in many ways they are very different. Children with autism do not see the world as you and I do. As people without autism, Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm is a excellent read for anyone trying to relate to and understand the mind within a child with autism.
Yesterday and last night when the above mentioned confrontation took place between the people tearing down my blog and my husband's and my parenting abilities, I was told:
a) We do not discipline our children. - We discipline our children. Anyone reading this blog can see there are many times when I discipline and it's ineffective. It is very hard to find the magic key to unlocking any child and what works to make them behave.
b) We are not consistent with discipline. - I was given one example of when my discipline was inconsistent, and while I will admit there was an inconsistency there, I will also admit that I'm not perfect. NONE of us are. Why do my husband and I get judged by one example of inconsistency?
c) We shelter our children too much and they are smothered. - Before Milla came along, Reiss and I had an activity outside the house every day, Monday through Friday. Now Reiss goes to preschool two days per week and a Parent's Day Out program one day per week. He gets a lot of social interaction at both places. Fridays we go to a playgroup. What better form of social interaction and learning experience can children get other than by playing? Even "the experts" do not deny the fact that young children learn best by playing.
d) We do not take the advice of people with experience. - Seriously??...SERIOUSLY??? Because I have not heard a whole lot of advice being given. Rather, it's been more telling us what we're doing wrong than helpful hints. That's not to say that real honest-to-goodness advice has not been given. It has been given. And many times we have tried it.
We were told to let Reiss run around in nothing but underwear as a method for potty-training. We did that in the past. It didn't work. There were days when I was changing underwear ten and twelve times before noon. That is obviously a sign that it was not working. Now it is what we are using again and it's magically working. It wasn't that we were doing anything wrong in the past, it was obviously just not yet time for Reiss to transition into the "big boy" phase.
e) We are not bringing our children up right. - The only examples I was given are things from when Reiss was a baby...three years ago!!! Don't we ALL live and learn? There were no examples of what we are doing so wrongly now. Can we move on? If I'm such a bad parent, give me an example from say, the last six months or three months or whatever.
f) We only see Reiss as an autistic child and not just a child. That our lives only revolve around autism. - That's not true. Again, I will refer to the above posts. We have fun as a family just like any other family.
Many hurtful things were said to me. But not once was there ever a "Congratulations on getting Reiss closer and closer to being potty-trained." Nor was there a "So what are you guys doing these days?" - in our lives, in general, or regarding ways in which we are helping Reiss. No "How is Reiss doing in preschool?" or anything positive. Why do people only have to see the negative?
It didn't end there. I was even ridiculed simply because I write this blog. I was asked why in the world I would want to put all this out there. I was told with my blog posts it seems as though I am saying, "Poor me. Everyone feel sorry for me because my child is autistic." Again, where in the above posts do I come across as asking for pity. Or for that, matter, ANY of my posts. I don't want pity. I want understanding!
To answer why I write this blog...well, I've already answered that in part at the beginning of this post. Why do I write this blog? For the same reason millions of other people write blogs: I write it for ME. I write it as a means of therapeutic self-treatment. I write it to let others peek into my world. I write to give others a better understanding of life in a home where a child with autism resides. I write it to share our joys and successes. I write it because I was an English major in college with a concentration in writing. That's what we English majors do - we write. So condemn us for it!
No one is forcing you read this blog. I don't need people to tear me down on my parenting skills. I get enough stress in the real world - we all do, don't we? I don't need your numbers on my ticker. It's not a contest for me to see how many hits I can get on my site. The purpose of this blog is not to see how many people from different countries I can get to stumble in on my Feedjit. Having said all that, if you've made it this far and you still feel this blog reflects all "Gloom and Doom," then consider this your invitation from me to you to make your exit now and not come back. Don't let the door hit you in the a** on the way out!
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