Purposely Preclusive at Potty-Training

Notify the authorities: I have officially arrived in Hell.

This week - Spring Break - we are making another official attempt at potty-training Reiss. Besides a few half-hearted sessions of singing, making funny faces and sitting on the potty while waiting for Reiss to produce even the tiniest of tinkles into the bowl, there have been two other times when we officially declared a lockdown for potty-training.

The first attempt to potty-train Reiss was when he was still two, but almost three years old, when he was on a break between Spring and Summer sessions at the Parent's Day Out program he attends. The last attempt was a two week break he had in between Summer and Fall sessions of PDO last Summer. That particular try ended on Day Three - a day that could only be summed up as a monumental disaster. We were using the underwear-only method and going to the potty every fifteen minutes. Four hours and twelve pairs (not an exaggeration) of wet and/or dirty Elmo underwear later, I was mentally done and so marked the end of that attempt to convert Reiss from a toddler in diapers to a Big Boy.

Now he is closing in on four years old and yes, still in diapers and Pull-Ups. Yes, it's disappointing. Yes, it's depressing. No, we do not take our disappointment out on him. Fortunately, from what I read and hear from other parents, this is not terribly uncommon for autistic children to be Reiss' age and still in diapers. Unfortunately, that fact does not lighten my mood at all.

I am doing what all the books say to do: set the child on the potty every fifteen to thirty minutes. Have the child drink lots of fluids. Sing songs. Make funny noises. Talk about how big girls and boys have so much more fun when they use the big potty. Talk up the awesome treats the child will get as a reward for peeing on the potty.

So far, nothing.

Here is how our bathroom sessions go:
Sit Reiss down on the potty with pants and Pull-Up pulled down.

Me: "Reiss, quit pointing your penis up."
Me: "Reiss, point your penis down."
Reiss: "When you point the penis up that means you get pee in your face."
Me: "Yes, that's why you need to point your penis down."
Reiss: "Wanna point the penis at Milla and get pee in her face." (laughing - him, definitely not me)
Me: "No, that's disgusting and not nice."
Reiss: "Wanna pee on Milla."
Me: "Reiss, point your penis down."
(Reiss sitting on the potty like it's a recliner.)
Me: "Reiss, please sit up."

It's going to be a long week. Some Spring Break....Why couldn't I at least live somewhere warm where it's not a dismal forty degrees outside?