How Many Are Out There?

This may sound like an unhealthy bit of curiosity but sometimes I cannot help but wonder how many parents out there are on the verge of having a child diagnosed with autism. Some people claim to have gay-dar, which I do not have, nor do I care to have. Whether you play for the girls' team or the boys' team makes no difference to me. However, I do sometimes think I have A-dar and can spot a child with autism in a crowd or in a playgroup or while we are in the library in the children's section.

Before anyone criticizes me though, I only think I possess this ability to pick up on an autism frequency because I have been exposed to so many children with autism other than my own.

I wonder how many people - parents of children with autism, people who have worked around children with autism, or simply individuals who have had exposure to autism - pinned my child with autism using their own A-dar. Were they friends of mine who were trying to tell me something before I ever had a clue what was going on with my child? Did they know but did not want to say anything for fear of my reaction? I really wish I knew.

I wish I knew what the right thing is to say or not to say to the three friends of mine with children whom I suspect have autism. How would they react if I suggested they have their child evaluated? Has it ever crossed their minds that their child has more going on than just a cranky nature and delayed speech? Have they ever wondered why their child throws tantrums over seemingly nothing? Or that the constant diarrhea never seems to go away? Do they think it is normal for a child to have some kind of illness at all times and that medicating and medicating over and over is the key to good health? Has anyone ever even given them a list of signs of autism? Probably not. Many pediatricians know little or nothing about autism themselves, much less would they know how to educate the parents of their wee patients.

Then there is the child of another friend of mine whose developmental fate is unfolding right before my eyes every day on Facebook. This particular friend is a person with whom I am primarily Facebook friends with and only know as an acquaintance in "real life" - in other words, someone who I would not dare suggest an inkling of a notion of autism regarding her child. I have to wonder why she never makes the connection between her child's vaccination schedule and the following days of non-stop crying, fevers, and illnesses. She is one who posts often and with great detail regarding her family's goings-on - which, by the way, I am not criticizing by any means. Most of the time, I rather enjoy her posts. Her family is very active and helpful to others in need and that is probably why it is all the more heartbreaking when one day she posts something along the lines of "_____ was so brave today at the pediatrician's office while getting all his shots." and then the very next day her posts may go something like, "_____ was up all night last night with a fever. He's sleeping now. I hope he just had a rough night."

And then perhaps later that day, "_____ has been crying all day long. I can't wait for these phases he goes through to be done." Or, "Ends up _____ is sick with a fever, diarrhea, and vomiting. Back to the doctor.....again."

I have watched this poor mom's Facebook posts go on like this following every round of shots her child has received since his birth not so long ago. I want to reach out to her and tell her what I have noticed. I want to tell her that only she can make an educated decision whether or not to have her child vaccinated BUT this correlation between his vaccines and his poor health is unmistakably and undeniably not a coincidence.

If I had it all to do over again, I would hope that if someone's A-dar was going off with Reiss when he was younger, that person would have said something to me. At the same time though, I think I know why no one ever said anything to me. They were probably in the same boat I currently find myself in. They were afraid of how their suggestion would be received.

And now I wonder which of my Facebook friends will ask, "Are you talking about my child?"